Saturday, May 17, 2008

If You Bring Strange Fire Before the Lord

The Lord's SmitePad: Thy Smittance Approacheth


If you bring strange fire before the Lord, the Lord may (1) raise your rent, or (2) smite you with Vibrato. "Well, pickle my herring," I say. I say, Vibrato derives from the Latin, "Vibratus," which is translated, literally, as the Rabbit that eludes the Snow Cat. There was, too, apparently, a man named Vibratus, and he wrote, and his writings, known as The Collected Sheathes of Vibratus, featuring such works as "Acey Ducey" and "Vicey Versey," were very powerful, according to Thucydides, and he was, Vibratus, thus appointed Vibrator of the Lower Duchies. There is, to this day, a Vibrator of the Lower Duchies, and his role, though largely ceremonial, is, according to the Chinese Instruction Manual, "to achieve Vibrato in a calm and confident manner, such as would lead people to pronouncements of personal discovery -- that, or lead them to drum madly in the woods." And then, read the Postcolonial novel, "The English came."

There are big kids who live in Hershey, Penna., as well as little kids who live in Hershey, Penna. -- you know, Hershey Squirts. It means either "Buttocks" or "choking the Coach" when a Corporation acts. Where else would the violinist live, but in Upper Caucasia? You may apply a poultice to yourself or you may apply a poultice to poultry or you may apply a poultry to yourself or you might apply for a job at the Great Pince Nez / Nez Perce Susurrus of 2008. Someplace in this country, a man who wields some power is demanding his Bib. It is furthermore conceivable that a man named Posey is fetching that Bib. "Posey," says the former, "bring me my Bib!" At the end of the workaday, people ride conveyances toward destinations, with their iPods and their Debt. Call it "The Sum of the Songs at Nightfall." We have, collectively, set our Vibrato on Vibrate. Is it the Funeral for our excess Qualities? Or the Qualities of our excess Funeral?

8 comments:

Kirk said...

The excess of our funereal qualities has qualitatively excised our collective funeral.
The strange fire marshall recalled the dutchie: we had to stop passing the dutchie.

Vibratus wrote thusly of Christ:
he aiiiiight, but I wouldn't let him touch my babies


I know some big kids and some little kids and some naked kids in Hershey Penna! I got a friend who is a blacksmith's apprentice in Hershey Penna.

Hershey Penna also got this sign right here.

Somewhere, the man in charge gesturing for a bib is gon' be hit by a bible right in the neck.
That bible gon' make his heart do circles 'round those little babies he's eating and there might just might just might just be a change in the ways.

Kirk said...

*This sign right here*

Mira said...

Have you published a book? I'd really like to read more of your work. (Tee hee). Mira

Maya said...

This is one of my favorites so far.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Thank you all (The Prefect, Mira, and Maya) for your kind words. May you not be smitten with Vibrato, and if you are smitten, may you be smitten sensibly -- with kittens, for example. Cheers, ----BA

RITA said...

And let all false prophetesses and Jezebels be heavily smitten/ smited/smoted with raccoons...you know where...

PS: Posey doesn't like to be pushed.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I didn't think of RITA as a smittance option. May you be smitten with RITA. Causing one to seek -- pest control? -- or a therapist. ----BA

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

You're right, btw -- yes, THAT Posey doesn't like to be pushed. There are other Poseys who fetch the bib, however. ----BA