Monday, July 21, 2008

Reverting to Feral Ways

Sugar in the Raw!


Let's face it: We can control our climate but not our primate. Adulterers are those who criminally impersonate adults. I send you my (r)egrets because I'd rather you be visited by a seafowl. Depressed about protocol? Take your antideprecedents. The British have it right: Their raincoats, the way they talk. The Scot took a doomp. A brick layer is a mason in the trowel-wielding sense, that is, one who specializes in the "escapades" (and ice capades) of sunbaked or kiln-fired clay products. Perversely, a marine layer is not an individual who specializes in the urges of our fighting men but a cloud pattern blown (ahem) ashore from the see the holey see. To be swayed by suede is to stand in deference to indifference. A summands is a noun; derives from summa; a term in a summation. An addenda to an agenda. What kind of society debates the availability of "free condoms" when it won't offer free condiments? Us and our low carburator diets. Our liens and our leotards. Our neins and our neo-tards. God Bless the Good Ol' United States of Corporation! (Lo-o-o-o-o mein!)

25 comments:

mark wallace said...

O brave new world, to have such sugar highs in it.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Man, I think of that novel all the time. Because I see many, many Epsilon-Minus Semi-Morons in the course of a day's commute. I needn't finish the thought, here, but the line that begins "MAN," and ends "in THERE." Eh? ----BA

mark wallace said...

I need a heavy pour of granulated on my brisket, that's all I know. Then I'm out of here.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

That's right! You need Marinade in the Raw.

What is going on in the Hankies, right at the moment, you ask?

"Ace Deuce Trey" from A CADDY FOR DADDY. Awwwyeah.

----BA

RITA said...

Tell ya, Mira is one Swede, though, who can sway me to do just about anything...

So pass the Chilula -- so ahz can curez mah bluez ... it's a blood blood world ...

And party like it's 1984, folks: if you were there, you were at an experience--

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

She can sway you to eat the Chilula, I'd imagine. Were you referring to It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World w/ Sid Caesar? Sid Caesar. Now there was a comedian! ----BA

RITA said...

But it's really Jonathan Winters who shines in that movie... but it was really meant to be a take on "It's a Blue World," that ol' standard...

Whereas I see many Episcopalians in the course of a day's commute--what with their wainscots, the way they drink their martinis...

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

John Cheever? I'm all screwed up. Yes, I know that Episcopalian love is in the air. Sigh.

Jonathan Winters, when he destroys the gas station, that's the funniest thing ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

-----BA

RITA said...

Didn't Steve Martin do that in "The Jerk" ?

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

No, somebody shot at him in The Jerk.

In Mad, Mad, etc., World, Jonathan Winters beats the crap out of two attendants, topples an entire gas station, all with, like, three tires around his upper body and arms. It's insane.

----BA

RITA said...

Verily, you roll along...

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Then he was Mork's father or something, hatched out of an egg? That dude was crazy. ----BA

RITA said...

Nanu nanu -- but was he ever a guest on "Fantasy Boat" ?

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

He played the Bloke or the Blope. I can't remember which. ----BA

RITA said...

In the Saurkraut episode, right?

Neil said...

There is a hot dog stand in Queens that makes you pay for the sauerkraut. Condiment hell.

Mira said...

Tee hee.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Somewhere there must be Condiment Hell. Like, one endless condiment.

Or is that a neighborhood, Condiment Hill? Where the condiments grow on trees?

---Blood A.

Dana said...

Dood, you need to put the search widget in your sidebar at the topish. Otherwise, how can we search for "spanking machine" when we mosey over here? How, I ask.

Dana said...

Oh, Neil's here. Say hi to him. You would like him, and his blog.

RITA said...

There was a guy who ran a late night hot dog stand in Foggy (near GW) who'd give you a nickel bag if you asked for extra relish... but too bad there weren't any frat girls running a stand who'd give you a spanking if you asked for extra mustard--

But how is that saurkraut, Neil?

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Dana, there is a search widget, at the upper left, I think. I was able to search it. Go there and type in fire and then go to my Cuyahoga River post; other than the Charlie Chaplin post, I think it might be my best.

Neil: Huzzah! Welcome.

RITA: Do you speak of Manoosh? I have known Manoosh for 20 years.

----BA

RITA said...

It is most definitely Manoosh!! That guy was always goin' to the can... and then, coming back for a lil' while... and then, gone to the can, again, etc etc etc...

RITA said...

Only--he's not running for senate.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

George Allen not only lost the senate race (thank god) but also the presidency with that remark. You think it'd be McCain if Allen hadn't said that? It'd be Allen and he'd win. That dude with the camcorder -- we owe him more than money, words, emails about life, jazz, poetry. You know? ----BA