Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Pride and Pejorative

I'm so proud, I could privatize myself.


I'd vote for Hoss but not for Haas. I ain't electing nobody who got no splotch on they billboard. That there is a SPLOTCH or my name ain't kicked around the paint factory. I don't keer if his ealdormen fought with that dumbass at Essex. He can color himself blue and run around the woods all he wants, I don't keer. I have a convection to make. I told my priest that I have a confection to make. That's not true. I ain't got no priest. I don't have no busfare, yes, I have no milk money. The big spiders hide in the banana bunches. The banana bunches travel, coach class, on banana boats. Hence, by the transitive property of mathematics, the confession was a perjury, per the jury's instrumentation. Ever heard the Jury Quartet and their new single, "Guilty, Guilty, Guilty, Guilty-y-y-y-y?" It's pretty bad, actually, it's a "tet" offensive. Okay, kay, kay. A member of the elite border policemen stops a car on the Italian/Austrian border but it could be anywhere, kay?, anywhere. He asks the driver to unlock the trunk, which is standard procedure. A search of the trunk reveals an enormous pumpkin. "Vass ees thees?" he stammers, "Vass ees thees?" That's the question. Now, choose the correct answer: (a) The policeman as the "avant gourd" (b) For shame: Manwich is a Meal but a pumpkin's a SQUASH. Drizzle that vinaigrette on your little grape tomato, little cherry tomato confab, Hoss.

10 comments:

mark wallace said...

Squash the pumpkin so that the police can add it to their Bloody Marys, and while you're at it, throw some Manwich in those Bloody Marys too. What's a cocktail without a little bit of beef? And that's my final word on the subject.

RITA said...

But mice and rats, and such small deer, Have been RITA's food for seven long year --

sausages said...

No! Put some properly seasoned sausages up in that Bloody Mary mix -- grind 'em up n' put 'em in that blender!! --

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

You all are still adjuticating The Hendricks Dispute. In that, Sausages does escape on a technicality. It was vacation, afterall. But otherwise, he would've had to do Pennance. And since he's a naval man, he would've had to do Pirates of Pennance. ----BA

sausages said...

I didn't hear any complaints about that Bloody Mary mix, though -- say, I wonder what Mira's got goin' on, right now --

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

A manwich is a meal as was that bloody mary mix it was chewwway. Tasted good. I'm a bit more partial to the traditional bloodies the way a certain gal at Red Rocks makes 'em, but yours were fine, too. ----BA

Anonymous said...

I'm in a tight race for a House of Representatives seat in Missouri. I could use some positive press, my friend. At least dedicate your next post to my competitor, and furnish the same treatment. --Haas

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Yeah. Right. ----BA

Marcela said...

I'd vote for avant gourd.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Experimental gourds. If you want to be chic on Halloween. ----BA