Thursday, December 3, 2009

BLED & WAKE-FEST.

Grisly aftermath is fun!


Believe me when I say that, originally, you weren't supposed to scream "Yahtzee!" when you triumphed at dice games but "Nazi!" instead -- perhaps when you achieved a snake-eyes kind of Fascism, throwing the venom of your palm into the air. And that, at first, you could opt for a Fascism at the Day Spa, you know, seeking to smoothe-over the defects in your maniacal allegiance, until you had to flat-out request a Facial, instead. If you try to debunk your Uncle, you'll get a Debuncle, if you try to carburate your Uncle, you'll get a Carbuncle, and if you try to monopolize your Uncle's attention, you'll get a Monocle. Skin blemishes over swaths of time could lead to Epoch Marks. But I digress. These days, with respect to our information economy, Megalomania just ain't enough Mania, you need something like Gigalomania, to get just enough Mania. Yeah, yeah, yeah: Cleveland and rivers: yeah, yeah, yeah. You can await the river all you like when you should probably abate the river, you know, get a crew, and a foreman, and have them sit around the tailgate by belching grease and ogling the Convenience Mart. 'Talegate' as in a scandal that accompanied a Yarn or 'Tailgate' as in a scandal that accompanied de Lay o' de Land? You take risk, tsk tsk, you take risk. One minute you're checking into a Bed & Breakfast, the next minute you're checking out: Period. As in Bled & Wake-fest. Optimize now, and we'll throw in four Gigs of Mania at no extra charge! Optimize now, and one of our customer service operatives will -- personally -- clap you on the Carbuncle! Bundle, Buncle, Whoa Back, Buckle.

10 comments:

mark wallace said...

Epoch Marks, huh? That's Epic Marks to you, pal. I know when I've been insulted. I'm gonna go down to your river there in Cleveland and burn it. Tsk tsk about it all you want.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Aw, man. You're The THE MACHINE. I ain't giving no truck to no The THE MACHINE. I hear you tho'. I shall furthermore humiliate myself in ashes and in sackcloth in the next post. --------BA

sausages said...

Put the truck down! Trucks are for closers!

A = Always
B = Be
C = Carbuncling

Get thee in, Good Buncle--'tis Mania that pities neither Pilgrims or Samoans.

mark wallace said...

My last Gig of Mania was really expensive, especially after I burned the river of Cleveland. So no buncles for me lately.

Dahlia said...

Je pense que: "rigamarole". N'est ce pas? N'est ce pas.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

FOOL: Prithee, Carbuncle, be contented; ’tis a naughty night to swim in. Now a little fire in a wild field were like an old lecher’s heart; a small spark, all the rest on’s body cold. Look, here comes a walking fire.
{Enter GLOUCESTER, with a a jar of sauce.}

GLOUCESTER: I didst lose mine quest to createth mine sauce, Gloucestershire Sauce, to Worcestershire and his sauce.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Mania is a good gig, I agree. I always try to get Mania, even adjunct mania, if I can. ------------------------BA

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Dahlia: Welcome. You are French? Quebecoise? Francophone? That great Irishman Frank O'Phone, who always made the call. --- BA

mark wallace said...

Stout Mania.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Mania is STOUT. Cleveland is QUIZ. Gloucestershire Sauce: QUIZ. ------------------BA