Sunday, June 25, 2017

LIST OF REJECTED CONSPIRACY THEORIES.




If it’s feasible, then it can be stored in the freezer. If it’s dirigible, then it can be mourned by a dirge. Too many dirges, however, might cause you to walk with a blimp. In the next room, Yokel Ono sits on a barstool and croons about life in the rural prefecture. In one of the songs, an ante-lope makes off with the poker kitty that otherwise belongs to the rubber baron. He, the rubber baron, derives great affluence from prophylactic sales, but his penile business practices draw wide condom-nation. So yeah, a different fellow wants to raise fruit trees in anonymity, and so this fellow adopts a nom de plum, or would that be a nom de prune? Sadly, he struggles at agriculture, and succumbs, mildly, to gardening of the arteries. His real name is Norman, he’s a standard fellow, and when war finally erupts, he settles on Norm de Guerre as the assumed name for his saboteur of duty. Eventually, his alias gets him on the A-List. When the Jerusalemite studies you, by the by, he got his Zion you, he got his Zion you. I hate it when the hit man, one Mr. Reaper Cussin’s, mouths off, over and over again. Finally, I have to confront the hit man, one Mr. Reaper Cussin’s. “Hey Bud,” I say, “Are you assassin’ me?”


Also see: List of Active Conspiracy Theories

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

late capitalism... aboubakar

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

hey aboubakar. thanks for taking a look at this silliness. sorry about the fixture, today. i think that you should still go for a beef pattie though. get an extra one for me, and you can t'row it out the window when i walk by yr pad. up the swans! ---------------b.a.

Heather Fuller said...

'gardening of the arteries' ... I know this [pre]occupation, if not its summoning of filling station diners of the lost rural South ... this piece conjures a B&W still of desperadoes bereft of the feminine touch, getting by w/ either too much or too little stout, & a wee dram of surly ... is that a frog I spot over Paris??

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

i spoze 'gardening of the arteries' could refer to 'green beautification' of the inroads, but that's unlikely, and instead, we've got this, like, looming fish-frog, who is definitely in charge, in charge of whuuuut, i dunno, ain't nobody telling that fish-frog nuthin' he don't already know, and i mean, yeah, we got the desperadio station playing the desperodeo for a buncha desperadoes who could use the feminine touch to be fair, but in real talk, the whole world could use the feminine touch just about everywhere.........b.a..................xoxo

Heather Fuller said...

'desperodeo' ... hell's bellz grtstn! ... plonk that in yr title bank ... xo

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

hell's belles, hthr!
hell's belles.
the desperodeo just about sums up my life!

--b.a.