War of the Worlds: A Slavonica

"Lookit yonder subURPS."

Out in Montgomery County, Md., as the crow flies, cries, and pries, one can find two entire Worlds: Leisure World and Privacy World. They are, as it were, housing developments, the former for Senior Cits and the Latter for Private Cits. There are no other Cits. You are either Senior or Private. I will now wait a minute while you choose sides. [Pause.] Thank you. Now, there has been arranged an Olympiad between the two developments, which abut one another along Georgia and Connecticut Avenues, in the sprawling 'burbs and 'burps. There will be competitions, specifically, in Leisure and in Privacy. Residents of Leisure World are expected to excel at Leisure, and acey-ducey, in that the residents of Privacy World are expected to excel at Privacy. There was talk of a hybrid Leisure-Privacy Decathalon, but negotiations stalled and then coffee cake and coffee were served. Coffee was chosen because it was Healthfoods. But it was also chosen because it can be both Leisure and Privacy. Coffee cake is not Healthfoods, however, and it is not Privacy. Coffee cake is 100 percent Leisure, folks, and controversy will always dog Leisure until The End. Did you hear the one about Leisure and Privacy? Okay: Leisure took legal action in order to communicate more effectively with Privacy. It was Leisure's suit to write to Privacy. [Ba-doom tish.] John McEnroe: Please: The last name of the No. 3 ranked men's tennis player is not pronounced JOCK-of-Itch, it is JOKE-O-vitch. Not JOCK-of-Itch, like the man, JOCK, is the son of Itch, eh, John McEnroe? Have you hugged a Slav today? Huh, John McEnroe, have you hugged a Slav? Please rise, turn to your left, and hug the nearest Slav. Thank you and: [Eggseunt.]