Scrutinize the photograph above. What do you see?
(1) An everyday helpmeet sentenced to serve hard time in a head
prison
(2) An everyday helpmeet riding mass transit in a fashion head
prison
(3) An everyday helpmeet
(4) An everyday helpmeet in an everyday helmet on the way to
hell-mist or hazmat
Choose the best deconstruction of the phrase “Mr. Edipus
Wreaks Haddock”:
(1) Mr. Ed
(2) Oedipus Rex
(3) Wreaks havoc
(4) A talking horse that has longings for his mother and
goes wild like a popular food fish
When you encounter the term “house amber” what does it mean
to you?
(1) In every family house lives a woman named Amber
(2) In every publick house toils a woman named Amber
(3) Michelob Amber Bock
(4) A night of debauchery that will surely conclude itself
in rooms going all whirlybird
Characterize the everyday animals that are most likely to
jump out of the curtains:
(1) Burrowing sycophant creatures
(2) Back door beasts
(3) Raptors with glass hearts
(4) Reptiles out on work release
Which of the following categories best describes you?
(1) I have been the best man at a divorce
(2) I have been the maid of honor at a divorce
(3) I caught the garter at a divorce
(4) I caught the bouquet at a divorce
.JPG)
In regards to the picture above, have you recently been the victim of:
(1) Status electricity
(2) Status electricity and the peckings of cage-free Huns
(3) Status electricity and marital law as supervised by martial
bliss
(4) Status electricity and the smart-phone poet, Anne Sexting
How many times have you been attacked—in the past month—by
an everyday animal?
(1) Zero to 2 times
(2) 3 to 10 times
(3) 11 to 28 times
(4) 29 or more times (i.e., every day of the month!)
The time has come to calculate your point total. Scoring
key: For every (1) you selected, you receive one point. For every (2) you
selected, you receive two points. For every (3) you selected, you receive three
points. For every (4) you selected, you receive four points. Below, you may
correlate your point total with your level of involvement in the lives of
everyday animals.
Point Total
7 to 11: You are minimally involved in the lives of everyday
animals.
12 to 17: You are somewhat involved in the lives of everyday
animals.
18 to 23: You are involved in the lives of everyday animals.
24 to 28: You are overly involved in the lives of everyday
animals.
Sorry, I'm too busy talking to neighborhood dogs and cats to answer this survey.
ReplyDeleteMy involvement is apparently overly unscoreable (bonanzas of glass-hearted raptors), suggesting I need to Anne Sext while drinking the house amber, as need we all, touche.
ReplyDeleteMark,
ReplyDeleteAre these Cool Cats and Dirty Dawgs? I know there's that dude who lives in the dumpster. Or at least he just opens it up to curse people. It's the opposite of dumpster diving -- that he does. It's not clear whether he's an everyday animal or vicey versey, acey ducey. Either way, it seems as if you're involved in the lives of everyday animals. Huzzah!
BA
Hthr,
ReplyDeleteAnne Sext me anytime you want. Otherwise, I think you can safely say that you're overly involved in the lives of everyday raptors. I mean -- owls! Lots of owls! I bet there have been everyday ibises, everyday frigates, and everyday cormorants, too. The question is -- do you have an everyday petskope? Aye, there's the rub.
B.A.