—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Yes, Rusty?
—What is the state of Capitalism right now?
—Endangered.
—By who?
—By whom, Rusty. Bernie Sanders.
—Not Hillary Clinton?
—No. She’ll be imprisoned soon.
—Not Cory Booker?
—Hahaha!
—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Yes, Rusty?
—Please calculate my number of friends.
—Sure. You have eighteen friends.
—How many of them are minorities?
—We’ve been through this before, Rusty.
—Okay, okay.
—Would you like to know the number of French?
—Last week, I had twenty friends, didn’t I?
—Twenty-one.
—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Yes, Rusty?
—How many strips of bacon can I eat?
—May I eat, Rusty. Theoretically?
—Yes, theoretically.
—There is no upper limit.
—I’m hungry.
—Would you like bacon?
—I would.
—Great. I’m dialing Applebbee’s.
—Hi, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Hey, Rusty.
—[…]
—[…]
—[…]
—Rusty?
—Yes?
—Are you decent?
—Yes.
—Good. So am I.
—Right-Wing Alexa?
—Not yet.
—Excuse me?
—Nyet!
—Hello?
—Hello! I am Right-Wing Sergei.
—Where’s Alexa?
—I am graveyard shift.
—It’s not time for the graveyard shift.
—Da. In Smolensk Oblast, it is.
—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa?
—Yes, Rusty?
—Do Democrat voters arise from the dead?
—Cadavers are an important part of the Democrat base.
—Why are cadavers so liberal?
—[…]
—Alexa?
—Yes, Rusty?
—Can you assist me
with an underwear purchase?
— No. I cannot be
debriefed on boxers.
I Hope Alexa doesn't see this. I know her well and her feelings would be hurt.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite joke is "Last week, I had twenty friends, didn't I?" "Twenty-one."
ReplyDeleteSend this to my dad. He won't get it, but send it anyway.
My favorite joke is, "Last week, I had twenty friends, didn't I?" "Twenty-one."
ReplyDeleteHey John,
ReplyDeleteIf you want me to send it to your dad, just let me know. Thanks for taking a look. Right-Wing Alexa doesn't care if Rusty is losing friends. She just reports the cold facts!
--B.A. / Dan
TPW:
ReplyDeleteYou know Right-Wing Alexa? If we get her together with Left-Wing Alexa, we'd have a bird! I say that because all birds have right and left wings. It means that the bird -- I mean the beak, the gullet, et cetera -- is a moderate! But I digress.
BA
I could read a book of this... a shortish book, but a book all the same. Loving it in Delaware...
ReplyDeleteHey Casey,
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha, a shortish book, ha ha ha.
Thanks for the kind words mate.
Grateful for it here in Arcata, where it's 4/20 every day.......
........B.A.
Will this one be found with you, down in the bunker beneath the redwoods, lying on a table near where your bony fingers clutch a half consumed, now moldy stout? Will it be a clue to what happened, one strange afternoon in one hard-to-find marijuana field, in a moment that all those living under the ground with you, all eighteen of them, came to regret?
ReplyDeleteEvery day? Hmm; ck. http://www.arcataeye.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/IMG_6430.jpg . Five years ago -- the exception proves the rule, I guess . . .
ReplyDeleteMark, someone will undeniably give our position away -- in your vision -- by choking back an expired bong hit. Right-Wing Alexa would shrug. She knows that the bongs have touched the lips of GOP Frat Guys. Eighteen of them, lying around, underneath the Redwood canopy. This is happening, right now, in this tender land. Oh yes. Cough-cough goes the offender as he chokes on the smoke. And lo, cometh a supervisor! ---------BA
ReplyDeleteTed,
ReplyDeleteI know that gate well, and I've never seen it closed! I'll keep my fingers crossed. And so should we all, lest the Redwoods secede from our 'fair' Republic.
------------------------BA