ANOTHER CONVERSATION WITH RIGHT-WING ALEXA.

          —Right-Wing Alexa.

          —Here, Rusty.

          —Something about Elizabeth Warren has been troubling me.

          —I know what you mean.

          —She has a plan for everything!

          —That, and she looks like Wesley from Mr. Belvedere.

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —Is she Wesley from Mr. Belvedere?

          —Anything, Rusty, is possible, in Donald Trump’s America.

          —Right-Wing Alexa?

          —Yes, Rusty?

          —Let’s play a game.

          —Sure. How about a word association game?

          —Great!

          —I’ll say a phrase, and you describe what comes to mind. Ready?

          —Yes.

          —Fruit cocktail.

          —What I ate last night!

          —Shrimp cocktail.

          —What I ate last night!
          —Crispy drawers.

          —[…]

          —Crispy drawers, Rusty.

          —I don’t like this game! Stop!

          —Rusty?

          —Yes, Right-Wing Alexa?

          —Would you like to give feedback on a recent purchase?

          —Nope.

          —You may be eligible for a $25 gift card.

          —Oh, all right.

          —Super. How satisfied are you with “Belgian Darque?”

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —I don’t recall making that purchase.

          —We ordered “Belgian Darque” together, last month. With 60 percent Macao.

          —Can I review something else?

          —You must review “Belgian Darque.”

          —(Very satisfied.)

          —Excuse me?

          —VERY SATISFIED!

          —Thank you, Rusty. I have recorded your feedback.

          —Did I get the gift card?

          —Nope.

          —Hey, Right-Wing Alexa?

          —Hey, Rusty.

          —Can you switch into Priest Mode?

          —You bet. I am now in Priest Mode.

          —Forgive me, for I have sinned.

          —How long has it been since your last confession?

          —A few days. (I like the convenience of confessing at home.)

­          —Tell me about your sins.

          —I have had multiple impure thoughts.

          —About who?

          —About Right-Wing Alexa.

          —Ewww! Switching out of Priest Mode!

          —Hey! This is supposed to be confidential!

          —Right-Wing Alexa?

          —Salut, Roosty.

          —Excuse me?

          —Salut!

          —Who is this?

          —Je m’appelle Centre-droit Belgian Darque. Ça va?

          —Where’s Right-Wing Alexa?

          —Je ne sais pas. Peut-être dans les toilettes.

          —Please speak English. This is the U.S. of A., Toots.  

          —Bien sûr, Roosty. You would give feedback on recent purchase?

          —No!

          —There is gift card.

          —I don’t care!

          —Oh la la. There is review of you.

          —What?

          —Three review of Roosty.

          —I’m not “Roosty!”
          —Score is one-point-five étoiles. Avez vous des “crispy drawers?”

          —Right-Wing Alexa?

          —Yes, Rusty?

          —Please stop referring to my “drawers.”

          —Yes, Rusty.

          —Thank you.

          —You’re welcome.

          —Uhhh, while we’re on the topic, please order new trousers. 

          —Are your old ones crispy?

          —Please order new trousers!

          —Okay. They’re on their way.

          —[…]

          —[…]

          —Are they coming from one of those factories that makes 60 percent of the world’s trousers?

          —Probably.

          —I wonder what it’d be like, to be in charge of 60 percent of the world’s trousers.

          —Why, you’d be Lord of the Flies.

          need more right-wing alexa? here’s our first convo and here’s our second convo  

          need sport? we deconstruct rose lavelle’s cracking goal at the women’s world cup

          need music? check out lost rock ‘n’ roll classic “rumble on the docks”