ANTI-SEMI-COLON.

He hallucinated the presence of a girlfriend in his life; he was seeing someone.

This vision led to headaches; he took it with a migraine of salt.

His Jamaican friend rode the autobus; he paid rasta fare.

The same friend decided to effect a clean slate with his legs; a fibula rasa.

A band came on the radio; Ramen At Work.

The song, “Who Can It Beef Now”, tickled listeners with power pop hooks; it didn’t noodle around.

Trans Fats Domino came on the radio; a commercial followed for Trans Fats Domino Sugar.

A commercial followed for Air Trans Fats Domino; for Trans Fats Domino Theory.

The man by now clip clopped down the stairs to the subway; he passed through the stile with style.

He thought of two motion pictures that would take place at the machines that governed entrance to the subway; one of them, “Doggy Stile”, predicted euphoric canine encounters.

He traded the word “citrus” for the word “circus”; in his mind, the Ringling Bros. Citrus was coming to town.

The man traded the word “Mylanta” for “Santa” and the name “Klaus” for “Claus”; in his mind, Mylanta Klaus was coming to town.

There were three stars in the evening sky; “Let us kiss three times”, the man thought.

He thought of a woman he really loved; “Let us kiss three times”—and all will be forgiven.

PHOTO ESSAY: I BREWED FIVE GALLONS OF STOUT PORTER.

                 Original gravity: 1.0670

                 Final gravity: 1.0236

                 Alcohol by volume: 5.70%

                 IBU: 30

                 Main ingredients:

                 Yeast: English ale

                 Hops: Fuggle, East Kent Golding

                 Malts: Crystal caramel, Chocolate, Victory, Black

A FEW REFLECTIONS ON DUO EXCHANGE + LOST CIVILIZATIONS LIVE.

I’m not aware of another project quite like the Duo Exchange / Lost Civilizations collaboration, which was renewed on August 16th in front of a small gathering at the Black Squirrel in Washington, D.C. The musicians who form Lost Civilizations—Ted Zook (basscello) and Mike Sebastian (saxophones)—improvise from the beginning; on this night, Sam Lohman accompanied them on drums. The words—Rod Smith and I doing business as Duo Exchange—have no predetermined order. The entire performance, clocking in at just over sixty minutes, invents and reinvents. For a free listen (and free download) at SoundCloud, click [HERE].

Rod and I continue to experience amazement (even awe and euphoria) over the accomplishments of the musicians. It’s hard not to think of language like “tensile sway, swing-swang, magical fracture, muscular patterning, projective texture” when listening to them. For me, the night created at least three maps: (a) the music; (b) the words; and (c) the two layers together. As a reader, I’m always stunned at when the music pushes me to deliver language with emphases and cadences I hadn’t counted on; these effects undoubtedly bounce back and forth from Us to Them, from Them to Them, and from Us to Us. The learning curve is steep and enormously gratifying.

On this night, I should point out that we were joined by a fellow who, attracted by the music, came downstairs to participate a little bit. You can hear him in the 47th minute, as well as when he repeats a word (“honky”) from the grand finale. Did I mention that we had a grand finale? Rod and I both spoke at the same time as the band honked, rattled, and sawed, from about 47:50 through 52:05. I’m not saying you should fast-forward there, automatically, but you should know that it’s coming. In all my years of writing and reading, I never before experienced the raw satisfaction as I derived therefrom. I’m very fortunate to be a part of this collaboration.

Finally, I’m reminded of a jazz hero—Sonny Rollins—and one of his great songs, “St. Thomas”—as Lost Civilizations played onward. I want to say St. Sonny. Oh yeah!

AUTO-COMPLETE NIGHTMARE.

It’s not the size of the river in the fire but the size of the fire in the river. As such, you may never mention the subsidiaries of rain ever again. Think of all the forlorn rust, the un-drummed rust, the tepid rust. Let us review our policies and procedures before we pince. It’s time to pince, by the way. Did you bring your pince-nez? Think of all the armies who train to pince, think of all the nez. The French vote either “oui” or “nez” while the Turkic peoples may wear a fez. It would follow that a dispenser could dispense pez or it could dispense pince-nez. A doctor may prescribe a monocle if you’ve masturbated too often with one hand—a right monocle corresponds to right-hand overzealousness. Some left-hand zealots (even as late as the 20th century) became Leftenants; these were the tenants who lived on the left side of the building. They often applied for academic jobs, their exploits appeared in the Monocle of Higher Education. Meanwhile, the musician, Prince, has requested a Prince-nez, from a Prince-nez dispenser. The world had never heard “what it sounds like / when doves cry” until the musician, Prince, played his music, apparently, in a public park, no, the world, until that point, had known “what it sounds like / when doves mourn.” What else mourns, I ask you, but the diastolic beat of the clouds?

WAKE UP, BRO!

Starring:

John Doe. . . . as Bro

Director:

Dan Gutstein

Running Time:

25 seconds

Advance Praise:

“Gutstein deftly captures the ethereal scrim between sleep and the harsh realities of commuter rail.”—Celluloid Tabloid

“A Bro is born. Well, not exactly. He is jolted. A Bro is jolted. Awake.”—Talkie Times

“The intertextual rubrics of the slumbering proletariat are, capably, or otherwise, slathered in the luxuries of gradual arrival.”—Pinko Picture

Other Films You Might Enjoy:

The Hand Fan That Stirs the Puma

Push Ups

The Hand

 

A MAN SEARCHES FOR THE PROPER EXOTIC DANCE TO SUIT HIS MEDICAL CONDITIONS, WHILE THE EXOTIC DANCER, RUNNING OUT OF CREATIVE OPTIONS, SEEKS A WEE BITTEEN OF RELIGION.

The man detected a return of his symptoms, and thereby requested a Relapse Dance, from the exotic dancer. After his cardiologist diagnosed yet a new condition, the man ordered a Mitral Valve Prolapse Dance. For a while, the man tried to live with this condition, but after a fainting spell, he asked for a Collapse Dance. Conventional therapy didn’t work, surgery ensued, and afterwards, the man sought a Laparoscopic Dance. The man reflected on his life, at one of them, ehhh, express kiosk dingies, with one of them, ehhh, gigantic muffins the size of a bowling ball; on the way home, he inquired about an Elapse Dance. Meantime, the dancer was running out of interpretations, to suit the man’s spectrum of exotica. “Seeing as I’m the only exotic dancer in this gosh-forsaken one-Walmart town,” she thought, “I gotta get me a new perspective, or at least, a wee bitteen of religion.” On the occasion of a-wandering about, she discovered a church, a place of well-scrubbed worshippers, the Loofah-rans. Its well-known founder, Martin Loofah, had been a friar, he had been the deep fryer, deep friar of the fries, down at Mickey Dee’s, so he knew about boiling oil, heat rash, and grease trap—just the kind of expertise a lost soul might seek from her spiritual advisor. There were saints and sinners, winners and loofahs, according to the church’s doctrine. After a spell in residence at services, the dancer began to “loofah thy neighbor”, even as she tittered under the electric light, some serious giggle-wattage. She decided to help the man—who requested her interpretive dances—to reform himself, in the holy house of the Loofah-rans. She might even perform a L’apse dance, there, wielding some bawdy wash.
 

SEND IN THE BURGLIZ!

Starring:

Ruth as . . . Herself

Marty as . . . Himself

Director:

Dan Gutstein

Running Time:

15 seconds

Advance Praise:

“Just like Nixon must have dictated, except, of course, not in that NY accent.” —Film Flam

“Burgliz or Burglars? You decide. And that’s the wonder of this compact effort.” —Movie Groovy

“It’s Queens (Ruth) vs. Bronx (Marty) as this great American word is held up to the light of Gutstein’s adequate camera.” —Cinema Minima

Other Films You Might Enjoy:

Dan Gutstein Speaks to the Cat

They Don’t Let You Live

They Don’t Let You Live (Alt Tk)