Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Many Sides of Beef

Shame, Shame, Hillshire Farms: False Advertising.


Back in the old days of Grunting and Scratching & Vexing and Flexing, "beef" used to mean one thing only: [censored]. Oh, you know, it came to mean Dispute, of course, verb and noun. One could express a beef, or beef loudly, for example, with one's kinsman. Said kinsman, indeed, could entertain a beef whilst grilling a beef on his Hibachi and, to wit, could Air His Beef, as well. The Airing of the Beef is a Signature Event in most western Psychotherapies, if not at red traffic lamps. Today, of course, with the advent of Jet Travel, beef has become a destination, as well. If, that is, you wish to visit the British Virgin Islands. Then you must travel to Beef Island, like it or not. Many other countries, with eyes toward luring travelers, have strategically placed beef nearby airports, and in many cases, within airports, thereby making beef, [censored], available as part of most itineraries. It has also, beef has, come to mean substance. In a famous moment in U.S. Political History, Ronald Reagan (R-Calif.) asked Walter Mondale (D-Minn.) "Where's the beef?" after the two had sat down together for Psychotherapies. I believe that Mondale still, to this day, seeks the beef. As in, he pursues both a beef and the beef, ad nauseum, museum da, to his own detriment. That's what one did, in the old days: Pursued a beef to one's own detriment. Nowadays, you can't even tell a rufous bird from a man, "Roofus," who resembles a slanted overhead shelter. The Beat Generation had its chance. I call upon a New Generation of Americans -- The Beef Generation -- to stand up. Organize your Beefdoms, your Coral Beefs. Together, we march as One Flank, One Loin, One Shank, One Rib, One Tib, One Round, One Skirt, One Roast, One Ground.

13 comments:

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

To Beef. To Not to Beef. To Beef. (Duh.) ----BA

sausages said...

Beef that as it may, that's one for the sausages--

The Goose said...

Please tell me you took that picture (pitcha)

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

To The Goose:

More importantly -- who in our circle of friends should now be called Yard-O-Beef?

I did "take" the picture, though I did not "snap" the picture. Were there world enough and time, I would have, but alas, B.A.G. needed to go to, uh, press, and thus I was forced to pilfer. May God look kindly on my soul and not smite me with Vibrato.

---Blood And

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Sausages:

How many Sausages have you eaten (i.e., cannibalized) this year-to-date?

---B.A.

Mira said...

If Finnland and America had a child, it would be called Beefland. Maybe Ohio? Tee hee. ----Mira

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Hey, I'm from Ohio. And everyone else is, too. Although there is a lot of beefs there, to be sure. ----BA

sausages said...

I regret that I have but one life to eat myself--

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Paul Eluard wrote, and I quote, "Les Sausages mangent Les Sausages. Quelle erreur! Quelle horreur!" ----BA

sausages said...

Sausage is as Sausage does--

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Monsieur Sausage dit: "Je suis faim." Is there a knockwurst in the house? Are there healthfoods in the house? Bring this man some kraut! -----BA

mark wallace said...

I've heard that it's dangerous to sit near someone who's eating beef. Apparently second hand beef is quite toxic.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

The problem with people is, they just want to sit inside all day and all night, and beef. We need change. Hope! ----BA