Chocolade voor de vuist bump!
Study Representations in Popular Culture
A cartoon dog, sensing danger, intones “Bruh Roh!” to his owner. It must be the start of a pub crawl, and the Brahs are rushing to meet homies at a bar. “On my way, Bro!” they shout into mobile devices. Give them some leeway. They’ll need Bromoseltzer in the morning. “Go [Team]!” they holler. They don’t holler “Brah! Brah! Brah!” unless there’s a round of rum and diet on the bar. One of them likes Brahms, but he ain’t sayin’.
Apply Conversion Tables
Bro time doesn’t elapse like sidereal time, so expect great incongruence when it comes to the basic activities of daily living. Let’s take After-Flatus Shame, for instance. It may endure for ten minutes in the Dumb Animal, and for 10 hours in the Arch-Liberal, but the Bro, Brah, or Bruh may continue onward for 10 months without exhibiting any After-Flatus Shame. There he is, in Harris Teeter, like, shuffling a deck of cards: no remorse!
Know Your Bro
Maybe the fellow developed substance abuse troubles and wound up on a ranch in
in Brotox. Maybe he received a few cosmetic injections there, too, we don’t
know, but the point is—take him for a good meal. Go for Italian. Order him a
big old plate of Brotini. Or fry him up a steak. He needs his Brotein. Just don’t
judge when you see him walking with a gaggle of Bruhs and Brahs in
salmon-tinted backward caps, k?
Understand Social Tendencies
The Dumb Animal sniffs other Dumb Animal rather immediately in the park. Even turtle. “He’s one of my kind,” thinks the Dumb Animal, “he just has a carapace, is all.” The Arch-Liberal has no friends, not even the guys down at Socialist Action Network, and as such, despises Acts of Greeting. He would avert his gaze as the Bro might exchange the suite of handshakes, chest bumps, snaps, and fist bumps with feral Brahs and Bruhs.
Embrace Areas for Self-ImprovementAre you Bruh-averse? If so, you may need to Brah-reverse. Join the Bro at the Nautilus station. You can work your pecs and delts; flaps and wings; flanges and giblets. The Bro thinks that “gluten free” means an exercise he must complete without the help of his gluteus. Mentally, he spells ‘em “buttix.” He wavers between “buttix” and “butix.” He bows his head. “Shoulda paid attention in college,” he thinks. He doesn’t think for long.