Monday, September 5, 2016


If you want to submit an application to work at the spice factory, you have to visit Cumin Resources, you chives turkey.

Cold weather rarely affects Andalusia, but when it does, they call it the Brr-Brr of Seville.

The lead singer of the forgettable pop band, Duran Duran, has announced a joint venture with an iconic home cleanser. The new product, Simon Le Bon Ami, will be sold in the music aisle (under “American Mafia to Amish Mafia”) and the housewares aisle, under “Remove Crud.”

Charlton Heston vomited so many times on the set of a famous Roman-era film, the production was almost renamed Ben-Hurl.

If you sit on your buttix [sic] all day long and write several novels with critical reception of “fluffy”, you too can have Buns of (Danielle) Steel.

“Intertextuality. Yeah we had that in the joint. When you longed to have coitus with a fictional character—that was a case of intertextuality. I was very comfortable with my intertextuality.”

“Hey Bro. Did the other Bros steal all the pasta from the sorority house?” “Yeah Bro.” “So they carried out the Penne Raid?” “It was such a Penne Raid!” “Cool Bro.” “You know it Bro.”

Von Bismarck has been kidnapped! It’s grand theft Otto!

Let’s say the most haughty rooster is the cock of the walk, then it follows that the most haughty stir fry chef is the cook of the wok.

Fond of removing earwax at every opportunity, the former Speaker of the House, Tip O’Neill, was known among colleagues as Q-Tip O’Neill, as he often wielded the gavel and the cotton swabs with equal dedication.

You’ve had the sensation that you’ve seen the same witchcraft before, so it’s likely that you experienced Déjà Voo Doo. On the other hand, if you think you’ve simply seen the same old crap before, it’s probably just Déjà vu Doo Doo.