Friday, February 20, 2009

A / V Sucks!

Cordage / Decline.

We are not crash test dummies, Teacher! We will wield the box of FILMSTRIP that got soggy when the roof flooded and the fat guy dropped through the ceiling onto chemistry. He did NOT smoke weed. Nobody smokes weed (pfff) but they need to. The way that nobody watches FILMSTRIP, Teacher!, but they need to. Have I told you about DAVE? Well, Billie Jean is not his lover. But my mom is! I’d rather call him sweetervest. We had a bat in the attic, a bat, with wings. Teacher! Leave them kids alone! We will wield the box of FILMSTRIP because FILMSTRIP has education in it and the students will watch up the education when they regard FILMSTRIP, Teacher!, leave them kids alone. May your iMac go pancreatic and your intercom go fritz and may the a/v aides be "goofing off with the dirtbags in the breezeway" rather than preparing for taco with fruit cup or acting MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

(Guest blogged by Gina & Shaker Heights A / V Aides. You ROCK.)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Looks Dept.


The Weigh Sayers amongst us accuse the brewery of brewing the sneeze into the beer, that they drank, before the fits came in threes. They watch Extreme Weapons Amnesty: Michigan, on TV, and laugh when the potato gun discharges into the Sergeant's left buttock. They no longer Break Glass in Case of Emergency, but phone The Samoan instead. The Samoan doesn't mind being called The Samoan, because it establishes him as the authority, amongst Samoans, even though he's not Samoan, he's ethnic Jewish-Albanian. He's prompt, effective, and demands Apple Hookah after the emergency has been resolved. The Weigh Sayers do not like to discuss the time they offered The Samoan an Apricot -- not Apricot Hookah -- but an Apricot -- in place of Apple Hookah. It is not wise to substitute an Apricot for Apple Hookah. Ever. In any scenario. The Weigh Sayers descried an attempt to derail the freight train, and seeing as it had no purpose other than insanity itself, termed it the loco motive. The Weigh Sayers amongst us visit The Looks Dept. at the Supermarche to purchase some Deep Smoldering Glances, you know, Looks. They think "Roofies" are those who worship and follow The Roof and "Reefer" is that which recommends itself to consumption On The Briny, atop the coral. You wear your socks too tight, O, Weigh Sayers, the Salt of the Systole and the Disaspora of the Diastole, O, the breezy May-hem of the heart, Weigh Sayers, you wear your socks too tight.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Energy Kick

What put the pep in "Greensleeves"?

Freddie Hubbard knew: "Coltrane wasn't playing so far out then," said the trumpeter, of the 1961 Africa/Brass sessions, as reported by Ashley Kahn in THE HOUSE THAT TRANE BUILT: The Story of Impulse Records. "But he had so much energy, man, because him and Eric [Dolphy] used to drink honey out of the jar. They would eat those sunflower seeds and raisins. They were on an energy kick. I said, 'Man, you're going to get diabetes or something, man! You drinking raw honey?" [Pause.] I mean, that's right. We shall, therefore, rest our theories. There shall be no more theories. Our big-bottomed poets will quiet and quiet, too, will the poets of small bottoms be. Let (X) = "Greensleeves". Let "Greensleeves" = Horn in Sky. The honeybee leaves a pollen print in the history of Jazz on impulse! Praise Song for the Trane; Praise Trane.