Monday, July 28, 2008

Ode to Odors

Right next door to Funkin' Donuts.


Odor in America. It's not just funk, it's a ritual, a Rite. A right protected by the constitution. Men wearing mirrored glasses and three piece suits can eat submarine sandwiches, wrote the Founders, and bear arms, even as they expose they stinky armpits -- they Flounders -- in the process. Bearing arms is kind of like doing the hokey pokey, kind of like a potluck, in Marianna, Fla., a little Fish Fry, which is healthfoods, by the way, specially if said Fry is held at a place of worship. Eat a little sole, to save your soul. Eat a little sardine if you dig The Dumb Animal. But don't eat no smelts, if you are what you eat. Else, you might smelts, bad, so sayeth Leviticus: As in Foundry as in funk (20:20). Hint: don't bring that Strange Odor before the Lord lest the Lord smite you. On the Q.T., backchannel, we all know that the Lord gets a little loosy goosy, in that regard. He digs his Smote Salmon, with a little Garden of Eden cream cheese, on a Deuteronomy Bagel. Speaking of which: Dude, where's my Economy? Didn't we, like, hand Dubya a Surplus? Some will pull the lever for the McCain / Abel ticket, and if McCain / Abel win, I hope they Do the Rite Thing. O, Do Rite, I want to tell them: ODoRite. We'll need it: Odorite.

22 comments:

mark wallace said...

Cool and cloudy here this morning, with a nice breeze that'll blow the stink away, and the sun expected for my afternoon lounge at the beach. You should come out here some time. Plenty of places to eat first rate chicken.

sausages said...

Some sau-sage advice, here: Do the Rite thing w/ new Rite Guard McBag o' Bugers scent -- the ladies will love it, and the pledged delegates will, too! Available, now, in retro-style aerosol spray cans at a Wal-Mart or Walgreens near you --

RITA said...

McCain Unable -- what, me worry??

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Making Odor Right -- that's our competitive edge, these days, yes?

Ah, the chicken waftings, oh ho ho ho, the chicken waftings. Bring it!

----BA

mark wallace said...

I bet if you step outside this afternoon, you'll be able to smell a Boston Market even from far away. And that goes double for the Colonel.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Dat sqveak! Dat heat-lamp. There was, like, a cragar headlight on me, the whole time. I *lost* weight at Boston Market. ----BA

mark wallace said...

I can smell it even now.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

It was like *I* was on the spit roasting. ----BA

sausages said...

You were sveating ven you heard dat sqveak --

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I thought it was The End. ----BA

Mira said...

You're wrong. Odorite is efficient. You save three letters (the second R, the G, and the H) and spend one, the E. They should go into deodorant. There were some girls in the park, today, who could've used a wash! Tee hee. Mira

tmorange said...

oh but have you seen the hokum they do down in defuniak springs>?

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I got some elegiac / funerary kind of thing, with playlist that was half all right. The last song for the first memorial was Johnny Griffin. That ain't half bad. Does you gots the right link? ----BA

tmorange said...

i propose a series of starstudded benefit concerts:

1) odo-rite-aid
2) dolo-mite-aid
3) cherry-kool-aid
4) dubya-bite-aid
5) bolton's-spicy-chicken-n-fish-aid

tmorange said...

my apartment in london ontario was uniquely situated with the labatt's brewery to the west, the kellogs's plant to the south, the mccormick's spice plant to the east, and cow pastures surrounding the general vicinity. so you could always tell where the whether was coming from depending on the smell of the breeze:

young beer and cornflakes? mild days ahead.

corn flakes and black pepper? partly cloudy with a 50% chance of showers.

young beer and cow shit? storms approaching rapidly!

t.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Dolomite Aid! HA!

I know what you left off and you know what you left off.

Aid in the shade. Canaanite Rite. Minute M'aid. 'Sade. Am I rite?

BA

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Wait:

Young beer, cow doogie, and cinnamon. N'est ce pas? Cinnamon!

BA

tmorange said...

"Young beer, cow doogie, and cinnamon"

=

a mixture of sun and cloud becoming gradually hazy as an alberta clipper works it way into the martimes leaving chances of overnight frost, morning frogs, patches of locust by midday and the last judgment on the high sierra

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Somewhere, man, there is an Ontarian MacBeth, where, at one point, something is prophecied never to happen, unless "Cinnamon Doogie" should move to "Dunsinane Hill" or what have you. Well, then, Cinnamon Doogie does move to Dunsinane Hill and then the thing -- Dolomite Aid -- happens. Eh? ----BA

tmorange said...

ay, surely as there be one james mcintyre, the famous cheese poet of ingersoll ontario!

mark wallace said...

"We have seen thee, Queen of Cheese."

The hell does that mean?

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Like, a homecoming queen in a cheese town in Canada? So there was King Cheese and some Babybels (bad joke).

Like, no, here's the explanation. You could be a war poet, or a tree poet, or the world's one cheese poet. The dude picked his niche and went for it.

There can be no other.

BA