Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Looks Dept.

Neuteronomy.


The Weigh Sayers amongst us accuse the brewery of brewing the sneeze into the beer, that they drank, before the fits came in threes. They watch Extreme Weapons Amnesty: Michigan, on TV, and laugh when the potato gun discharges into the Sergeant's left buttock. They no longer Break Glass in Case of Emergency, but phone The Samoan instead. The Samoan doesn't mind being called The Samoan, because it establishes him as the authority, amongst Samoans, even though he's not Samoan, he's ethnic Jewish-Albanian. He's prompt, effective, and demands Apple Hookah after the emergency has been resolved. The Weigh Sayers do not like to discuss the time they offered The Samoan an Apricot -- not Apricot Hookah -- but an Apricot -- in place of Apple Hookah. It is not wise to substitute an Apricot for Apple Hookah. Ever. In any scenario. The Weigh Sayers descried an attempt to derail the freight train, and seeing as it had no purpose other than insanity itself, termed it the loco motive. The Weigh Sayers amongst us visit The Looks Dept. at the Supermarche to purchase some Deep Smoldering Glances, you know, Looks. They think "Roofies" are those who worship and follow The Roof and "Reefer" is that which recommends itself to consumption On The Briny, atop the coral. You wear your socks too tight, O, Weigh Sayers, the Salt of the Systole and the Disaspora of the Diastole, O, the breezy May-hem of the heart, Weigh Sayers, you wear your socks too tight.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Supermarche? You're not inn Paris. Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Gina -- Who ARE you? My friend, Sausages, would like to know. ---------------------------BA

sausages said...

The Weigh Watchers are wondering, too--

Anonymous said...

Oh, boy. I'm a 15 year old student who lives in Shaker Heights, Cleveland. I found you're blog by accident. Its silly. I mean I like it. Do you mean the boy is named sausages or do you mean what do you mean? Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Gina, are you serious? I was born in Cleveland. In the Ronald McDonald House or something, like, many decades ago. As for Sausages, well, I'll let him describe who he is. What street do you live on in Shaker Heights? I lived on Kenmore Road. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------BA

Mira said...

Tee Hee. Mira

sausages said...

Eh -- I'm just a 11th/12th grade English teacher in NC. All boys boarding school: maximum pain.

sausages said...

er -- an 11th/12th grade English teacher... I had "a high school" first... eh...

Anonymous said...

No way! I live off Fernway. With DAVE and my mom. Did you go to Fernway? ARe you really from Shaker? You were not born in McDonalds. You'r ekidding. I've gotta go. I'm the av aide this period. Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Gina, Well from one Clevelander to another, don't get in trouble for Blood And Gutstein. Go deliver that filmstrip on The Terminal Tower! Yes, I went to Fernway for kindergarten and first grade. It's a small world. And no, silly, I was not born in McDonald's, but there's a McDonald's House or something, maybe it doesn't exist anymore, where I was born, many moons ago. Anyhow, well, Blood And Gutstein is a silly blog and we say silly things here, but nothing you couldn't comment on yourself, if you chose to keep reading it. But as a responsible educator, myself, I must now urge you to go do your lessons and earn high marks today! Cheers, Dan Gutstein

sausages said...

Yeah -- don't shirk your responsibilities on our account.

DG/BA was not born in a McDonald's, that's true; however, we do have a friend who wishes he was born in an Arby's...

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

http://www.uhhospitals.org/macwomen/tabid/783/Default.aspx

That's where I was born. MacDonald Women's Hospital.

Yeah, our friend goes to Arby's to order some Wendy's and Wendy's for the Taco BellGrande.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA

sausages said...

And they never give him enough rice at Chipotle--

Anonymous said...

Old people always say "cheers" I'm just kidding. All the other av aides read you're blog now too. av is soooooo boring. D0 you8 listen to anygood music like Pere ubu or the Smiths? I dont thing I can comment all the time but i'll keep reading. Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Gina, seeing as you are The Commentator for this post -- would you and the other a/v aides like to create a guest blogpost for sometime in the future? You could write whatever you wanted -- I'd insist on looking it over, copy editing, etc., nothing too terrible, and there you'd be. Whattya say? The A/V Crew on Blood And Gutstein. The A/V Aides Have Their Say. (That could be the title). Old Guy Cheers, DG

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I own three Pere Ubu albums and one The Smiths album. I don't like The Smiths as much as I like THE MODERN DANCE, let's say. That's a great album. ---BA

Anonymous said...

The av aides would like to say that they accept. We would like to write your nexb blog post. We can write whatever we want? Its okay if you edit it. We don't want to say what school we are because av sucks and is boring and we want to write all about how av sucks and is boring. Should we post it here? "Cheers" Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Dear Gina and Mysterious Cleveland A/V Aides. Yes, you may post your contribution here. You will be the FIRST EVER guest blogger(s) at Blood And Gutstein. I will insist upon the following general guidelines: (1) No profanity; (2) Nothing hateful toward any group of people, although fun needling is permitted; (3) Generally speaking, send a post that is 14 sentences long (i.e., not so long); (4) I retain ultimate last word on text; but otherwise (5) Go for it. I'm very excited that you'll be doing this. I agree to maintain your anonymity, except that I'd like to call the post: A/V Aides Have Their Say. I may refer to you all as being from Cleveland. That's about all. I look forward to reading your post. How about sometime next week? Salutations, My City on the Lake Cousins. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA

Anonymous said...

OK dude. Gina

Kirk said...

I'm excited.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Like, in general, or for the A/V Aides Guestpost? ------------------------------------ba

cielo fontanero said...

it could be

p.s. hi

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Hi. Are you an A/V Aide? It would seem that you'd have to A/V Aide all the way from the West Coast. Not unheard of. -------------------------------------------------------------BA

cielo fontanero said...

i may fit the diagnosis of a/v -ism
that binary schism
my thoughts take flight - they are aviary like the avon lady who waits to come on.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

an Avon Lady aide -- the new economy continues to surprise me.

------------BA

cielo fontanero said...

i don't mean to leave a literal transcription, just trying to vibe with your display - in a/v practice I withhold photographic prescription because the projection machine is broken in most cases

Anonymous said...

We are not crashtest dummys, Teacher! We will weild the box of FILMSTRIP that got soggy when the roof flooded and the fat guy dropped through the ceiling onto chemistry. He did NOT smoke weed. Nobody smokes weed (pfff) but they need to. The way that nobody watches filmstrip, Teacher!, but they need to. Have I told you about DAVE? Well, Billiejean Is not his lover. But my mom is! I’d rather call him sweetervest. We had a bat in the attic, a bat, with wings. Teacher! Leave them kids alone! We will weild the box of filmstrip because filmstrip has education in it and the students will watch education up when they watch filmstrip, Teacher!, leave them kids alone. May youre iMac go pancreatic and your intercom go fritz and may the a/v aides be “goofing off with the dirtbags in the breezeway rather than preparing for taco with fruit cup for or acting MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

Theres your fourteen sentences. Just don’t tell me it sucks. I wrote it myself but the other av ades approved of it. Just don’t tell me it sucks. You don't have to post it. Your a great writer and it wouold mean allot to me if you didn’t tell me that it sucked. I type too fast and have many many errors I know I know I know. You can edit. CHEERS! Your fan, Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Gina, that does NOT suck. I've been sick all week and am going to bed. More in the morning. Thanks for the post / comment. I think something will work out. Congrats! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA