Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Rare OOPS

What Happens after Swilling the Poteen.


Suction, if left alone, could destroy the universe, one stickfigure booty at a time. I offer the equation Dial "S" for "Suction" but Suction, of course, has been misunderstood over the Ages, 18 to 24, and 51 to 69, in particular. Most other Groups understand Suction just fine, or so sayeth Psychotherapies. You may wish to "Muse" in that you may wish to Inspire some young Sap, but don't Muse if you plan on Mewing, in the plural. It would be impossible, thereby, to distinguish your Muse from your Mews. Your Pause from your Paws. I will now describe My Own Theory of Relativity. I am related to You inasmuch as You have some Money for Me. Otherwise, you must apply for Relativity with the notion in mind that -- relating to you should leave me an additional half hour every day. Either Way, by Either Pike, we reach the aforementioned destination. "Your wallet please" may be a Robbery or it may be a clumsy attempt to speculate on the satisfaction of your billfold. "Ahem" may be a Throatclear whereas "Ahem ahem" may be a Warning that you have a Problem with your Garment. It may be Suction that is Amiss, and if so, check out that Video -- Suction Gone Wild -- via latenight infomercial. Suction will, nevertheless, determine a good bit Today, in your life, and in mine, we will require Redundancy, nails to secure nails, theory to secure theory, people to secure people, and so forth: It's getting to be That Kind of World.

13 comments:

mark wallace said...

My wallet seems to have met the suction, that's all I can say.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Gravity does not rule the universe. Suction does. Or does suction rule the university? I dunno, man, I dunno. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA

Anonymous said...

Kinniptions, still. Gina

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Mockingbirds are antisemitic. I've been attacked by three birds -- that, or the same bird three times. Just now: He waited on me, and then swooped. Swooped. I had to like, stop, and let him Swoop. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA

sausages said...

Gone with the Kinniptions.

Better watch where you go -- wearing that Baltimore Orioles hat, quoth the Suction.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

It was a territorial thing, I understand, but that bird, with that little dilly tail, that's all I'm saying. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA

Rethabile said...

Reminder: 100% Honest day is today.

mark wallace said...

I'm so f-in honest that somebody suctioned my wallet. Territorial? Not. Over and done with? Yes.

Dana said...

"'Your wallet please' may be a Robbery or it may be a clumsy attempt to speculate on the satisfaction of your billfold."

I love that. The whole post is great, but I really love that sentence.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Blood And Gutstein is almost never honest. Nor is my country. Nor is my world. So I'd say that an Honesty Day is well worth it. -----------------------------------------------BA

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Thanks, Dana. And good to hear from you. Hope all is well in the Pacific NW. -------------------------------------------------------------BA

Anonymous said...

Your profession is special bits.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

That's pretty funny whoever you are. No, my profession is Director of Tibbery, Tiblets, Giblets, Gimlets, and Co. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA