Thursday, February 6, 2014


Comment Boxes have never been the same.

When Allen Ginsberg wrote “Jaweh and Allah Battle” he hadn’t surfed or slalomed the Internet, never mind the Comment Box at the Blog. In his poem, each deity does battle—“Jaweh with atom bomb // Allah cuts the throat of infidels”—according to his resources, but neither has anything on Anon vs. Anon in Comment Box. Nope, nope-a-dope.

There is no amity, only enmity. It is The Anonymityville Horror. For inspiration, Anon reads Anonymaus II while Anon reads The Secret Life of Walter Anonymitty. They type simultaneously. Briefly, they are the same person, briefly they wear the same knickers. They both listen to Modest Anonymouse. It is not anime; it is anonyme.

Anon with ripe riposte vs. Anon tortures the forward outlook of dual citizen. Anon with rhetorical stab through arras vs. Anon impeaches the wide eyes of youthful innocence. Anon with lubricated word hoard vs. Anon hammies the salubrious halloo. Anon with one cheek salute vs. Anon gooses the plump buttix (sic) of inertia.

Friends of Anon confront him about his problem, and demand that he seek help. Across town, the same happens to Anon. They both wind up at Anonymous Anonymous, a support group where Anonymous can share about Anonymity, without revealing identities. At the Facebook page, Anon leaves incendiary comments, as does Anon.

The weather service forecasts an ice storm, then dismisses an ice storm. The storm arrives and slicks the inclines and the declines and the level, it brittles the power lines, which yearn to break, and do. Anon cannot type word verification and Anon cannot type word captcha and Anon cannot type “fiery provocation” and Anon cannot type “arse weed.”

Anon dreams of being the definitive Anonymous, the Eponymous Anonymous, as does Anon. In the end, though, they are “samey.” They are Anonymous Synonymous, Anon and Anon. The nuances of their ire do not amount. No. What they have is: the next Blog Post and the next Comment Box, in which, they will encounter each other . . . anon.



The idea for this post came from my brother, who would like to remain anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shout out, Dan!


You bet, Anon.