By borrowing some marketing fuzz from the Eisenhower campaign— “I Like IKEA”—the Swedish furniture giant sets out to become the first foreign corporation to hold the U.S. presidency. Yet IKEA’s Hoover-esque platform—“A couch in every living room beside a kitchen with a meatball in every pot”—may seem rather tortuous for most swing voters to recite.
“Tortuous,” says the celebrity, newly liberated from prison.
“They told us that story in the joint—‘The Tortuous and the Hare.’” You got two
sides, these days—Pro and Conundrum—whereas a string of riddles can often feel
like a conundrum-roll.
Do soccer moms pursue affairs with NASCAR dads or do NASCAR
moms pursue affairs with soccer dads? (Where’s the mistress, you ask? Why,
she’s in the greenhouse, misting.)
Meantime, art historians scramble to re-calibrate their
assessment of the post-impressionist genius, Vincent van Gogh, upon the
discovery of an oil painting, “The Sari Night”, which depicts the nocturnal
clothing of women in South Asia. To accommodate the ramifications of this
development, an Internet domain registration site, Vincent van GoDaddy, will
process UR URL.
“Ramifications”, says the celebrity, newly liberated from
prison. “Yeah, we had those in the joint—when two guys butted heads, we called
it ramifications.”
The French, as we know, ceased to administer the Upper Volta
some time ago, but did they abandon this African region as a result of an
uprising, a Revolta? On occasion, I suffer an intense disgust above the belt,
what I call an Upper Revolta. I noticed my first Upper Revolta after watching Welcome Back Kotter, and I have my
theories, kind citizens, that John Travolta caused my Revolta.
If writing with “ink” led to The Inquisition it
would follow that the wielding of an accessory—we mean “prop”—has led our
society to The Proposition. The same way an abundance of “def” has led to The
Definition and an abundance of “app” has led to The Apparition. Hey, the shadows
find love, too. When two phantoms mate, their climax results in a phantasm.
