Tuesday, January 29, 2008

American Administrative Narratives

"We have experienced such Hardships as Steak Tartare."

The Smithsonian Institution has announced a new folk life initiative. It will be dispatching Lummices to resort towns, in the hopes of capturing, on reel-to-reel, American Administrative Narratives, and the Like. "Don't judge a person by his or her Noise, White or Otherwise," my Forebears stressed. What we could use, instead, are some Broasted Chicken Narratives, and the Like. Such as just W/T/F is a Broasted Chicken? Breasted / Rested / Broiled / Educated / Fluent in Clarinet / Fluent in Mellophone / Tested / Bested / Roasted / Broasted? I feel like I've asked people before, about Broasted Chicken, and I've been answered. In that, I'm having Broasted Chicken Deja Vu. Say this, like a Rap Star: "Greta Garbo-o-o / Brigitte Bardot-t-t." Let's go to a Chock House for some Swamp Gas (!!!)

According to a Russian Scientist we are approaching conditions akin to the Maunder Minimum, a Period that involved Sunspot activity, or the lack thereof, and the return to which may signal a Little Ice Age. Like the one that gripped the world (and gave it The Grippe) a few hundred years ago. I sure as hell hope so. We could use a little Maunder Minimum to counteract our Maximum Dumbass. In fact, our Maximum Dumbass may still defeat the Maunder Minimum. In that case you won't have, let's say, Junior, anymore, but Jumbo. You won't have, say, Hank Williams, Jr., but Hank Williams, Jumbo, or rather, Hank Williams, Jbo. That's as much Noise, in fact, as Healthfoods, All-weather Radials, and Bicameral Legislature, combined. I don't know about you, but I'm praying to the Sunspot Activity. Save us!


mark wallace said...

Apparently, the behavior of stoic mutton is an excellent predictor of sunspot activity. So get out there and watch that mutton.

But hey, not everyone can handle the truth.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I'm not getting out there with that Avant Garde Mutton. I've spent enough time with Avant Garde Spiders and Avant Garde Snakes and Avant Garde Little 5 Foot Alleygators. -----BA

mark wallace said...

That Stoic Mutton was #1 with angry artists in northwestern Florida in the most recent corrupt vote count. Stop clinging to the wreckage.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I think there's some Avant Garde Marijuana Use going on, but that's just me. I do, otherwise, cling to that wreckage. In the end -- what else do I have? -----BA