Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Too Much Information

For travelers in Need? In the Communal sense?

It's not enough to say that there is more Information available than ever before because there is more Too Much Information available than ever before, as well. The sign could read Marital Aid, after all, then employ an arrow (that looks, suspiciously, like a marital aid) that points toward Marital Aid, which, apparently, is a town in Canada. I mean, was it named after a natural rock formation? A bend in the river? An asparagus or other Native Healthfoods? But enough, enough, enough. Let's talk Hope. Let's talk Change. Let's talk like Candidates. What does it take to be a Candidate? Well, it takes (1) Money and (2) Vocabulary. The latter often influences the influx of the former. But, I mean, don't stand on the corner, as a Non-Candidate, and say "Hope" or "Change" because you'll get Margarineized by the Society in Which We Live. Yes, Margarine-ized. Which I would define as "Converted into Useless Vegetable Spread," as it were.

If there is a couple out there (read: two people who Make Sweet Sweet Love) in need of a new thrill, try Couples Judo. It hasn't been invented yet but will be, if life is long and the Oleander is listing gently in the Trade Winds. Throw each other. Evade each other. Wound each other. Three useful relationship techniques and a discounted marital aid, of one's choosing, in Old Man Dildo's Factory Outlet. (Is there, I wonder, a Dildo Police Force? Does it say "Dildo Police" on their uniforms? Do Dildo cops wield marital aids when subduing suspects?) But enough, enough, enough. Let's talk Hope. Let's talk Change. Let's talk like Candidates. For the first time in American history a candidate for a major party's nomination may have owned (or still does own) a marital aid. Although it would be improper of me to suggest who that candidate may be. We should see the person, I think, not the gender. The road sign, not the Dildo.


Kirk said...

The paper sign taped to one of the posts reads YARD SALE. What's for sale?
According to Around The Bay (dot) CA, Dildo "is thought that the community may have got its name from Spain or Portugal, or an algonquin tree, or the shape of the headland that forms the harbour."
Dildo is actually a whole area: Dildo Arm, Dildo Island, the Town o'Dildo.

Dildo is home to a whole buncha Necessities For Life: Dildo Office of the Canadian Post, Dildo Grocery, Dildo Pharmacy, Dildo Service Organization, Dildo Insurance, Dildo Branch of the Society of United Fisherman, and -- of course -- the Dildo and Area Development Corporation.

A question to ask -- query to raise, potential ideation, is:
What does one call him/herself?
Dildoian? Dildon?
Dildoer? Dildope?
Dildone? Dildotian?
Dilder? Diode?
Might he/she side with the Kiwis and call him/herself an Accoutrement?

Now, I'm a noncandidate, so when I say, This might be the one thing I "Hope" doesn't "Change." I mean it.

RITA said...

On a serious note: there may not be Couples Judo, but there is such thing as Sexual Kung-Fu. You can read all about it in a book called, The Multi-Orgasmic Man (RITA...taking care of RITA)...

Then again, we also have Chuck Norris runnin' around campaigning for Mike Huckabee, which may = the end of sex, altogether, as we know it...

But I still believe in a place called Dildo.

Anonymous said...

Here's some candidate talk, and I'm shootin' straight here: In ten months or less, I WILL be in a band called "Dildo Insurance".

Christina said...

Dildo v. Vibrator:

Its an and/or thing.

Obamas, Clit-Uhhhns, and Edwards marriages have them-- and I would support Huckabee's wife investing in one soon.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

To Kirk, aka The Prefect: (see To The Goose, below). I bow down to your wit, sir. It is considerable. I would add that a dildo paradise would be a Dildopia.

To R.I.T.A. : Chuck Norris is like McDonald's french fries. You put him in a jar for two weeks and he's just the same as he was two weeks ago. See SUPERSIZE ME for more detail.

To The Goose: Consider forming a marital aid band with Irish overtones, called O'Dildo. (Praise be to The Prefect). If you needed *more* then you could call yourself Seamus O'Dildo or Sinn Fein.

To The Goose: I think that you, and your flock, i.e. The Geese, should come on over. I have a bottle of The Glenlivet that would be perfect for The Prefect and The Goose and The Others (Ukrainians, Irish, Polish, etc.) in yr entourage.

To Christina: Does Romney's wife have an "aid?" You know that McCain's wife does/did -- he was in jail in Hanoi for five years. Giuliani: HE probably has one for HIMSELF. Etc. Hey: xoxoxoxo

Maya said...

I wonder what the Dildo high school sports mascot is?


Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

The Rabbit. ----BA

mannequin_voyeur said... reports that top dildonian scientists, or dildologists are, in fact, working on a marital aids include couples judo (which may require martial aids).

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Chuck Norris could wind up as Secretary of Marital Arts ---- in a Huckabee administration. He would say: "Read my lips ... No new dildos." But, aw, that's an old one. --BA

mark wallace said...

Do I know that bottle of Glenlivet?

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

I think you knew it briefly -- the The Glenlivet -- before the The Affliction. ---BA

mark wallace said...

The Affliction swooped down, and drove The Glenlivet out before it. And lo, the Glenlivet was discovered after The Affliction, and was passed out bounteously to the remaining inhabitants of that ancient valley.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

The name of The Machine was celebrated -- by all who knew of the The Glenlivet -- with appreciation and suzerainty. --BA