Monday, January 25, 2010

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

"I Like Gravy"


Rabbit, Come Out the Bewilderness, O, Rabbit, Come Out the Bewilderness. The word "collaborate" no longer suggests the arrival of a double bass and submarine sandwiches for all but a "Corporate Strategy Session" with a man named Hammer. Having a "career" is all about not "careering" out of control, i.e., having a good careen after swilling some of the poteen. No, it would not be a good "career move" to career. To my knowledge, only one man -- me -- has ever depreciated all the telephone poles in the United States, and the answer, I came to, was: This job sucks. We should've, instead, depreciated all the rabbit suits in the United States. If the lawsuit fits, wear it, I suppose, unless you're being sued for impersonating a career. "Think outside the lunchbox," says Hammer. When, all of a sudden, the smoked salmon arrives. And that's really why I agreed to depreciate all those telephone poles -- in the hopes that, one day, I could toss my big, fat tie over shoulder and really dig into an everything bagel. O, Rabbit, Come Out the Bewilderness, O, Everything Rabbit, Be Wild, Come Out the Bewilderness. Listen: Okay, kay, kay, ours is not a land flowing with milk and honey. It is, nevertheless, a land flowing with biscuits and gravy, its inhabitants be as numerous as depreciated phone poles, and Lo, they shall revel in the very cholesterol of their imitations, huzzah!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is this what happens after the blight of the salami trees?

Well, thank goodness we have Jay Leno and Peyton Manning running country...

torp

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

No, no, no: Just wait until we have the Chevron U.S. House of Representatives. It's coming, man.

BA

Anonymous said...

havent you gusy enver seen a hide the salamis tree? now ive done it. now i'm in trouble. DAVE will narc on me to my mom. thanks DAVE.

(re)gina

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

a hide the salami tree -- hahahah. thanks (re)gina.

BA

Anonymous said...

Does (re)gina mean to gina again? And how does one gina, anyway?

torp

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

It's either regarding gina or being gina again.

But seriously, folks, gina has been a guest blogger at BAG and we are under the impression that she has been fired from a/v on account of "the incident".

BA

Anonymous said...

A/V is Lies.

torp

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

A HIDE THE SALAMI TREE post will be forthcoming. BA

Dahlia said...

Je suis un lapin!

Dahlia

Anonymous said...

it's not like my name is gina gina. are tyeou the kinds of guys whod get offended if i called you douchebags? gina

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

No we're not that kind of guys. (Glengarry ref.)

Speaking of which, I never got a cup of tea with them.

BA

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Monsieur Lapin? Mr. Rabbit?

Oooh, Meester Leezard! (Pee Wee Herman commenting on Stacy Keach.)

AHAHAHAHAHAH.

BA