Friday, January 15, 2010

SALAMI TREE.

Uff Da!


The men and women of Salamis are Salamis. If they have more than one salami tree -- and more than one salami -- then these, too, are Salamis, everything is Salamis. It is called Uff Da if a penguin jumps in Minneapolis and Uff Da if a Penguin jumps in Norway. They have all the same kinds of adages -- Minnesotans and Norwegians -- except that they have no magnetic birds. They must, instead, have a fish in-hand, if they want to effect change upon them penguins in the hedge. Adjectives, however, is a different story, when it comes to modifying adages. Can one slop a penguin? And if so, would one slop it with scripture? Many times I have seen people -- who call themselves cultivated -- slopping fowl with scripture. Is Irish sorcery the O'Cult? Maybe, and maybe not, but what must the Persians be thinking, still, after all these years? They failed to capture Salamis in The Battle of Salamis, in part, because, the Greeks harvested the Salamis first, and chased the Persians in angry-mob-style, wielding Salamis. Uff Da, in Norway, and Uff Da, in Minneapolis. Had the Persians triumphed, would the penguin have ever leapt toward a wielding of seafood?

15 comments:

mark wallace said...

A Stout in Hand is worth two Penguins in a Hedge.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Had she been wielding a STOUT there may have been more penguins on the leash. ------------BA

mark wallace said...

Drinking a Stout or stabbing someone with sea fowl? I'll take the former.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

I suppose one could slop the penguin with STOUT or one could train a seafowl to assault one's enmities in life. If enmity hath motor then a seafowl hath Salamis.

----------BA

mark wallace said...

If the Salamis Hath Penguins then the World Doth Lie.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

A cured and smoked meat. A cured and smoked peoples. A cured and smoked tree. Salamis, sadly, are QUIZ. Except for the Battle Of, which was STOUT. Them Persians in they bloated boats. Heh heh heh.

BA

mark wallace said...

Here in San Diego, they sometimes bring penguins to area hospitals to comfort children. No lie.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Who is comforting the penguin throughout all of this, you know? We need to think of the penguin, too. BA

K. Lorraine Graham said...

That picture is pure genius. I want it as a book cover.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

But you'd have to write a book entitled PENGUINS IN A SALAMI TREE.

But no, I mean, I just found the picture somewhere on the Internets.

BA

Dana / Dana said...

Hello Dan / Daniel.

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

Hello Dana / Dana. I hope that life is treating you well. Good to hear from you. BA

Anonymous said...

A Stout in time saves nine Quizzes.

--sauSAGE

DAN / DANIEL GUTSTEIN said...

What if it were Jew au Jus as opposed to Jean Val Jean? It would've been Les Briskets as opposed to Miserables. No?

BA

Anonymous said...

yo i'm gina becaus3e im regina and so i don't think you shoujtld b e busting on the chosen people. even those of us who cant'spell. because we have to type fast because MRS in the library ro DAVE are watching! (re)gina