Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Complaint Week // Complaint #2 of 5: GRAVITATIONAL PULL.

The earth doesn’t care; it just pulls.

Many years ago, during a period of General Disarray, the earth pulled a big hunk of intergalactic rock into its molten core, and the big hunk of rock became part of the earth, and part of the earth snapped off, and became the moon. The wound healed, the earth pulled the moon, and the moon pulled the earth because the moon is made of earth, which pulls. We suffer from this dynamic today. The earth pulls us down, the moon pulls us up, but the earth pulls harder, so in the end, we shrink, but not so badly, because the moon keeps pulling, too, in its own little way. On the one hand, people administer more oral sex than ever before, but on the other hand, if you were five foot eleven, like me, a few years ago, you may be five foot ten and three-quarters today, like me, on account of this gravitational battle. At some point, the earth begat Nature, and Nature, like the earth, pulls all the time. The flower pulls the bee. The mountain pulls the cloud. The fire pulls the wind. The primate pulls (on) the whiskey flask. For these reasons, people are forever establishing their whereabouts, especially on mobile phone calls. “I’m on the auto-boos,” they say. “I’m on the dubious mitigation foray.” “I’m on the water closet.” Some might see the double-pull situation as “checks and balances.” The founders of our country based our entire system of government on the dual attractions perpetrated by these two celestial orbs. Cussing, when pulled, becomes percussion. It’s a lot of percussion out there. So much so, it’s a grave situation. As in, what could be more serious, more grave, than the grave, the actual grave. The earth, in the end, is a giant cemetery. But not before it exerted pull. The earth, as we know, has pull in most situations. The font pulled the filmmaker. You know what I mean. It fused. It is Times New Roman Polanski. 

Complaint #1: Doctors & Pre-Illness.
Complaint #3: Washington Metrorail.
Complaint #4: Beer Prices.
Complaint #5: Industrial Decay.

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