THE FOX WHO LOVES ME + OTHER DEVELOPMENTS IN THE FAUNAL AND FLORAL KINGDOMS: A PHOTO ESSAY.

Key to the photographs: 

1. Deep, deep in the shrubberies: behold the beaver. Being human and smart-alecky, one ponders the paddle. We’re told that the paddle is for dam building, but that can’t be all. The beaver, for example, knows love. What doeth the paddle during the love-making of the beaver? People paddle each other, although the paddle is not — organically — attached to them. You might think “furry, cute little critter” but I think not. I see a varmint that can chew through a tree. Knowing not what might aggravate the beaver, I keep moving along.

2. This massive heron floats down to earth. It is equal parts dinosaur, goose, and 747. A comedian. Slender and plump. Where are the myths about this fine specimen? How come no Leda and the Great Blue? It is a stoic. Perhaps it thinks me a stoic, as well. The two of us, trudging along in the miserable murk that defines our lives. Me ‘n’ the heron, we complaineth not.

3. Thank you for inquiring about the Early Girl tomato plant. Given the absence of bees on the balcony, Dear Reader, I hand-pollinated every single flower. Lo, the plant begat many dozen tomatoes! We had a terrific affair. As for the fruits themselves, well, they were quite tasty, as it works out. This bit of gardening provided me with an essential activity as my skeleton reeled from an injury.

4. During my convalescence from said injury (which continues at present) I watched some reruns of Law & Order. I would like to say that Claire Kincaid, played by Jill Hennessey, is my favorite character. Dunno how the show continued on without her.

5. I got bitten! Not only that, but the venom (of whatever bit me) tried to slay me. But I endured.

6. Given the seriousness of the injury, I hadn’t seen my BFF from the faunal kingdom in several months. But one day, as part of my rehabilitation walk, I thought I saw the little ears sticking up, out of the sand trap. So I says, “Hey mate,” in my silly Australian accent. “Hey mate, you’re a good-looking fox.” This is how all the animals in my orbit know it’s me. The silly accent. She sits bolt upright, curling the big brush of the tail behind her. I think she even whined a little bit. That really broke me up!

7. The fox, stirring.

8. The fox, running. She looks hale and hearty. She’s a good-looking fox, mate.

 

HAND POLLINATION OF EARLY GIRL TOMATO PLANT.

 

We’re taking a break from our standard musicology fare, in order to bring you breaking developments from the world of enclosed balcony gardening. The Early Girl Tomato Plant takes the spotlight today. Having placed one such specimen on the third-floor balcony at the abode of my parents in late June, I quickly realized that I couldn’t depend upon honeybees for the pollination of the little yellow flowers. A raid to capture a honeybee was considered, in that we’d grab one outside, release it into the balcony area for a period of a few weeks, befriend it, and provide it with all the creature comforts it might desire, including cantaloupes, deep tissue massage, and career counseling.

In the end, it became necessary to pollinate the Early Girl Tomato Plant by hand. A strict training regimen was adopted with the goal of strengthening the acute vibrational muscles & associated giblets. Boxes were rifled-through until a suite of fine art paintbrushes was prized. Then followed a period of speculative vibration, which included (initially, my friends) great periods of isolation and despair. However, there did appear, one fortuitous day, a little green tomato, lo, a cluster of fledgling Early Girls. Mind you, it’s basically mid-August, so the Early Girls are kinda late, eh? I immediately engaged in Early Girl research. I pored over best practices as established in peer-reviewed literature. I wanted to raise me some p-h-a-t tomatoes.

Serious tomato action!

In the end, the Early Girl responds to the basics: sunlight, grow lamps, water, and the singing of “Liza Jane” songs. And, of course, channeling my inner honeybee. I cannot say with any certainty that this strategy of intense vibration would benefit other flowers, and other situations, but I can say this: the Early Girl Tomato Plant is mighty happy to see me.


Song excerpts:
“Goodbye Liza Jane” (traditional)
“Little Liza Jane” (Sam Chatmon)