Thursday, June 18, 2015

GET ME OUTTA HERE, BUD! (Pt. 2: Cactus Wren.)

I detected a shrill airborne commotion in the backyard, a dozen birds raising an “alarum” that someone with a short attention span might’ve characterized as a “peep show” but in reality involved an extended family of considerably distraught cactus wrens. A few beats later, my dog, The Reverend, appeared at my side, while I typed very important sentences into my computer. He stood there, breathing, which made me look. There, in his mouth, squirmed a cactus wren, bearing an electric expression like, “Get me outta here, Bud!” I produced a baseball cap, upside down, and asked The Reverend to deposit the cactus wren into the bowl of the cap, and he complied. Then, I took the cap outside where I repatriated the bird onto a low branch of the honey locust that grew across the fence from the property beside a neighbor’s shack. The cactus wren, still stunned, hopped around amid the great cacophony of his kind, no telling whether the chime of wrens still whistled over the initial loss of their mate or whether the chime of wrens whistled in identical hysterics upon his rejoining the herd, but he hopped around and the chime chimed wildly. (“Alarum” and “great relief” as equals.) At first, The Reverend cocked his head in disbelief, the same erect-ear, one-fang, misty face he’d made, once, when he encountered the cerebral music of a turtle flute, but eventually he drifted around, as aloof as possible, after I’d disappointed him once again in his gift-giving. When I’d had enough of his demonstration of aloofness, I sliced up some “training salami” and made him cycle through his tricks, including the irresistible trot around and be handsome as hell. I wondered if The Reverend and I were being too provincial in our navigation of the elements, such as cactus wrens, that governed our environment. I didn’t know anyone named Vince so I couldn’t profess to be pro-Vince, or for that matter, con-Vince, since I certainly didn’t know a Vince who might be kept under lock and key. I concluded that, if your shoe size is large, you will encounter a future of no small feats.

GET ME OUTTA HERE, BUD! (Pt. 1: Lizard.)

The lizard occupied a cupboard for a couple weeks. Every time I opened the door, I found him clinging to the wall, flicking his tongue above the dusty sack of green-and-yellow split peas. If he moved overnight, while I slept, he’d returned to his post before I groggily reached for honey nut cereal the next morning. His eyes rolled around googly but he wouldn’t dart off, perhaps thinking himself invisible. As far as lizards go, I wouldn’t have described him as gigantic, although big enough that I remarked to myself “Nah” when considering a shock move to eject him manually. My dog, The Reverend, had brought him to me, as a gift. I kept the back door ajar in summer as the swamp cooler wouldn’t function without a source of air; the door ajar enabled The Reverend to frequent the fenced-in yard, as a dog of his namesake saw fit. He arrived at my chair, while I typed very important sentences into my computer, with the lizard in his mouth. The lizard looked up at me with an electric expression like, “Get me outta here, Bud!” I asked The Reverend to drop him, a request that he honored, but when the lizard scampered away—first to the closet, then to the bathroom, then to the ceiling—The Reverend ignored me with enviable disassociation until I began to fry turkey burgers on the crumbling backyard grill. He and I sat together munching burgers, while hornworms (unbeknownst to us) munched the sweltering tomato plants in late afternoon shade. I un-bottle-capped a beer, one that The Reverend projected little interest in, before he laid his muzzle across my feet. The two of us, two men of the world, weltered in place. I experienced great wonderment at that juncture. People labor for decades before they re-tire, I noted; it seems like quite a long time before changing radials. The Direction of Man, I lectured The Reverend, in my philosopher-king voice, is either north-northwest or north-northeast, depending on whether he is left or right-handed: it has nothing to do with the Coriolis Effect. Time is both servant and oppressor, I added, damn its dispassionate reports!

Thursday, June 4, 2015


The word of your name returns as echo. It is my voice but watery, heavy with final syllable. The sound skips across the rain-dark plane of the afternoon.

An echo can originate anywhere: valley, wall, person, recollection, theory, guesswork. One must traverse-try; one must envision the striking-surface. Will I grow expert in the forlorn art?

The object receives the skill of the inquiry. The cleaner the return, the closer the object. But proximity may be a map, the coordinates where echo may originate, in minutes and seconds.  

Proximity might be painful but echo requires neighborhood. If I am to find you, I must suffer through the possibility of shape bent-against blurry color. (Imprecise, me.)

What is echolalia? Echo et alia? As if there were echo + echoes, which confounds the mission to discover. The inquiry at a remove; the jangle of clashing voices + directions.

If the echo never varies. The same stolid note, a clatter in place of language. An echo becomes a bird. An echo becomes a bird climbing though the echo of mistranslation.

A realtor might say: “Echolocation! Echolocation! Echolocation!” I imagine you finding this witty, whatever your state. Laughter, I realize, might disarray the apparatus that sustains you.

Lightning hacks through air toward a tree. The very same splintering noise, a limb separating from the tree. These two at once, lightning and the heavy wood tearing from its trunk. 

What I mean is, I am trying to locate you.

Many years ago, I concluded a poem by writing [that I] try to catch echoes with my hands. At last, I know what these words mean. I will persevere.



Voices acquit where clouds clot. Half-watery after-light 
amid the evening’s apron of bruised wind. Moon’s month, 
glassed-in. It begins to snow in the mind of a sycamore. 

Thursday, May 21, 2015


“Oh, why go on?” said the traveler, after arriving in a dry county: “it’s pint-less.” Outside, actors and actresses reenacted the Gunfight at the Ofay Corral. Afterwards, they cruised each other at OfayCupid. All this online dating necessitates the return of the dative case; it’s all so indirect. I put down one summer read for another summer read, A Passage to Indianapolis for The Unbearable Lightness of Bee Sting. I put down The Unbearable Lightness of Bee Sting for Topic of Capricorny. Do you put down books? It’s very insulting. Samuel Butler may know The Way of All Flesh whereas most toilets know the way of all flush. At the very end of the flush resides a ferocious reptile—a Commode O’dragon. His dream dessert? A slice of pie a la commode. Did a state of despair—pointlessness—facilitate the development of a painting technique: pointillism? By acknowledging all the pints, indeed, one can contemplate The Big Tincture.

Thursday, May 14, 2015


Scrutinize the photograph above. What do you see?
(1) An everyday helpmeet sentenced to serve hard time in a head prison
(2) An everyday helpmeet riding mass transit in a fashion head prison
(3) An everyday helpmeet
(4) An everyday helpmeet in an everyday helmet on the way to hell-mist or hazmat

Choose the best deconstruction of the phrase “Mr. Edipus Wreaks Haddock”:
(1) Mr. Ed
(2) Oedipus Rex
(3) Wreaks havoc
(4) A talking horse that has longings for his mother and goes wild like a popular food fish

When you encounter the term “house amber” what does it mean to you?
(1) In every family house lives a woman named Amber
(2) In every publick house toils a woman named Amber
(3) Michelob Amber Bock
(4) A night of debauchery that will surely conclude itself in rooms going all whirlybird

Characterize the everyday animals that are most likely to jump out of the curtains:
(1) Burrowing sycophant creatures
(2) Back door beasts
(3) Raptors with glass hearts
(4) Reptiles out on work release

Which of the following categories best describes you?
(1) I have been the best man at a divorce
(2) I have been the maid of honor at a divorce
(3) I caught the garter at a divorce
(4) I caught the bouquet at a divorce

In regards to the picture above, have you recently been the victim of:
(1) Status electricity
(2) Status electricity and the peckings of cage-free Huns
(3) Status electricity and marital law as supervised by martial bliss
(4) Status electricity and the smart-phone poet, Anne Sexting

How many times have you been attacked—in the past month—by an everyday animal?
(1) Zero to 2 times
(2) 3 to 10 times
(3) 11 to 28 times
(4) 29 or more times (i.e., every day of the month!)

The time has come to calculate your point total. Scoring key: For every (1) you selected, you receive one point. For every (2) you selected, you receive two points. For every (3) you selected, you receive three points. For every (4) you selected, you receive four points. Below, you may correlate your point total with your level of involvement in the lives of everyday animals.

Point Total
7 to 11: You are minimally involved in the lives of everyday animals.
12 to 17: You are somewhat involved in the lives of everyday animals.
18 to 23: You are involved in the lives of everyday animals.
24 to 28: You are overly involved in the lives of everyday animals.

Thank you for taking the survey! We hope this survey has changed your life. Surveys can be a great source of Vitamin See. Hoy hoy.

Thursday, April 30, 2015



In order for machines to perform, they must lack mechanical defects, whereas humans inherit an electrical charge.

The MM-DD-Year format for dates marginalizes months and days.

Start with differential geometry but prepare yourself for ambient chaos.

What towers above the cloud—nothing towers above the cloud—what towers above the cloud?

Fragments can be viewed as the soil, rocks, grit that fasten the scenery in place yet fragments can be viewed as “the world of art forms we now reject.”

Due to a shortage in replica flour, “animal crackers” must engage in cutbacks: the new snack will be known as “minimal crackers.”

A major financial services company will offer services that cater to the expanding kinks of its customer base. Accordingly, it will change its name to S & M & T Bank.

“Stay down”, one advises the boxer, “stay down.”

No. 1 Rule in the Tea Party Handbook for Partisans: “Be vigilant of The Left & their side-salads & their bluebonnets & their scandalized expressions.”

Oh, the faithful slew a she-mutton & scrubbed themselves in ritual pumice-apricot.

A belief that the world is more than 50% bad but that people are more than 50% good.

The world is an equinox; people are an equinox; the horses leap through fire-rings.

Everything an experiment where “everything” = just shy of everything and “experiment” = a poverty of flickering wind.

You hurry to have sex, you hurry during sex, you have twenty three and three-quarter hours to inhabit.

for 2015 NaPoWriMo sonnet #29: Interview with the Shopper Who Purchased the Last Pair of Thermal Underwear
for 2015 NaPoWriMo sonnet #1: Interview with a Couple in Missionary Position