Monday, November 12, 2007

Firewater & Sanity Clause

Look twice.

Whatever happened to the Second World? You had a world with some repression, sure, some violin solos, some bread lines, some love secrets, and then, Poof: Folks had to choose between the First and Third Worlds, and now there's not even a Third World, really. Thanks to English lit professors. You've got your First World and your power plant. You've got your First World and your pomegranate grove. You've got your First World and your crispy underpants. Personally speaking, my First World was the Cuyahoga River, (a fire), which really was my Second World. Or my Third. Ah, it gets confusing, I admit. The bottom line: Someone, in, like, 1969 called 9-1-1 to report a burning river.

Operator: Hello, what is your emergency?
Citizen: Uh, yeah, I'd like to report a burning river.
Operator: Excuse me?
Citizen: The river; is on fire.
Operator: Is this Dennis Kucinich again?
Citizen: They're throwing water on it, but that ain't doing much.
Operator: Sir?
Citizen: Uh huh?
Operator: Be thankful that the Lake is not ablaze.
Citizen: Yes ma'am.

I am glad that my President defended the skies of Alabama from those famous Vietcong raids on Phenix City (spelling correct) and Mobile and the Co'cola Diner & Mullet Toss Pavilion, and I'm glad that his sidekick, whom I shall term Vice President Deferrals, is so familiar with the nuances of avoidance. They made for a powerful and convincing presence, at various lecterns, on Veteran's Day. Convincing of what, I have no idea. And in saying so, I don't mean to give the impression that the opposition fares much better, in my estimation: Bad Votes, Calculated Rhetoric, "Wimpy Cats." Evidence that there is, in fact, No World. And that the Lake is ablaze. And the water ain't doing much. Sometimes I think we need a Sanity Day, instead, or a Sanity Week, or a Sanity Clause, but the Marx Brothers, for example, knew there ain't no such thing as a Sanity Clause. Here's to Survival, then, and Urgency.


Kirk said...

Freedonia might be a model: maybe the guy selling peanuts on the street really should be the secretary of war. At least he's fought before, none of this Robert Gates CIA, NSA, Texas A&M, oil baron business. Somebody from the streets should be taking care of this business: the war's in the streets, we need that experience: somebody who's seen some shit!

The wimpy cats are wrapping up the No World, putting some bows and some glitterpaint and some fresh wurst on the outside. It's got puka shell packaging peanuts, this No World. It's got hands for eyes and hands for hands, too.
Also, Blackwater.

That Cuyahoga River reminds me of The Burning River Roller Gals, but those gals go better without reminding and with a big glass of corn whiskey.

douglang said...

You neglected the Real World. And the World of Suzie Wong. And World Without End Amen. What a Wonderful World. World enough and time. World on a string. World in my pocket. Welcome to my world. World gone wrong. The Thing from Another World.

"Burn on, big river, burn on."
Randy Newman.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Ah, Mr. Lang -- the World of Red Allen, eh? And Andrew Marvell. A world apart, I'd say. As for Randy Newman, yes, that's who sang the song about the river about the fire about the city about the team that blew it again this year. World of the Indians Losing. Agh! "To...To...To... Every god forsaken thing." (Gulp) and the warmth of the [intoxicant] shall protect us. BA

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Mr. Larsen,

I shall just say "Indeed" for thou art a wise young dude.

Rock on, BA

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

Them pockmarks in the sign, by the way, looks like bullet holes / dents to me. "Got-damn river!" Bang bang bang!!! BA

mannequin_voyeur said...

I believe the second world nations exist now, only within


where one marries an avatar of an alien-pirate and has intercourse with lines of code.

Dan / Daniel Gutstein said...

the mannequin knows. ba