Tuesday, May 14, 2013


Please complete in Quadruplicate

1. Do you publicly admonish The Establishment—uttering such phrases as ‘Yeah, right!’ or ‘Up yours!’—even as you have prospered from its policies? 

2. Have you sat on a couch populated by members of the Avant Garde, during a soiree, and refused a space on the couch to an ordinary person?

3. Does climate change threaten you generally, or do you fret about danger to your professional reputation in the face of rising temperatures and swelling seas?

4. If the nation elected a leftist government, would you be prepared to endorse it?

5. How many conspiracies do you contemplate in an average day? Circle one of the following: | 0 | 1 to 3 | 4 to 6 | 7 to10 | 11 or higher |

6. Speaking as an artist, would you describe your collected audience to be situated above or below 25 total persons?

7. Does your favorite animal inhabit the steppe, the wilderness, or the butte?

8. How many times do you congratulate yourself on social media platforms, including, but not limited to updates on the basic activities of daily living?

9. Have you, at any time, in any previous connection, professional or otherwise, smelled like onions?

10. Are you familiar with the military grouping known as the Vanguard, as exemplified by the Burgundy Armies, and adopted, later, by Various Hordes?

If you are applying for Membership as part of a Hookup with another person, both parties of the Hookup must complete questions 1 through 10, in Quadruplicate. Good day.


bfitz said...

1. No, I have never prospered.
2. No, they call me Ottoman.
3. Yes.
4. Sure.
5. 1 to 3.
6. 8 people, 5 relations.
7. Jungle.
8. Twice a day.
9. Once, in a White Castle.
10. I own a Salvation Army Knife.

Did I get in?


The Committee has ruled that ownership of a Salvation Army Knife entitles you to Provisional Membership. Kindly remove the toothpick, dip it into Salvation Army Salve, and swiftly Salve all your problems. If you have a stubborn problem, we'd suggest the Salvation Army Tweezers as well. Once this process is complete, please re-apply by leaving your amended application at any shuttered arts space. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------BA