Tuesday, May 14, 2013
STATE OF THE HOOKUP.
Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming, I am the Spokesperson for The Hookup, and on behalf of The Hookup, I’ve been asked to issue a statement. To begin, the State of the Hookup—is good. We have one ‘he’ and one ‘she’, and while you may happen to know either or both, I am not at liberty to confirm their participation. To be sure, this would be a modern Hookup, and as such, both parties may be single parents who must drive several hours to visit one another. When not together, they keep in regular contact via smart phone emoticons, and I can report that, this week alone, the parties exchanged approximately 15 smileys, 11 devils, and 10 contortions. They have agreed upon a Facebook policy and continue to ‘like’, i.e., ‘thumbs up’ each other’s status updates, especially those that attempt to define their—quite significant—contributions to radical culture. They are drinking socially, they are not smoking apricot hookah, they have both deactivated their online dating profiles, and while this may seem curious, folks, remember: it’s but a Hookup. Neither is lusty; both are trim; each continues to struggle with his or her knowledge of jazz music, despite the overwhelming amount of information available to them in their circles of friends. As far as who’s in charge, well, she’s been acting a bit girlie, but then again, so has he. Many people have feelings for her (I’ve confessed my own) but he’s lovable enough in an ‘ultimate frisbee days-of-yore’ kind of way, hence, a general feeling of ‘live and let live’ should establish itself, one would hope, eventually. Before I conclude, I would like to acknowledge someone in the audience, the General Secretary of the Avant Garde, who informed me that both parties have applied for membership in the Avant Garde, jointly, as a Hookup. Their application is pending. Mr. General Secretary, thank you, and thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now ready to take your questions.