Wednesday, June 4, 2014


[1.] Why Mississippi and not another state, country, movement, or debacle?
You got your 1-Arid Desert, 2-Arkansas, 3-Micronesia, 4-Tea Party, 5-Global Warming, 6-Federal Debt, 7-Mississippi, 8-Lewis & Clark’s Route to the Pacific, 9-Colorado River Basin in Crisis, 10-Took a Wooden Nickel, you know? There’s a lot of ways to count, to 60. So OK so.

[2.] Shouldn’t you begin with “Zero-Mississippi”?
It’s not like the Universe began, and it was already 1-Mississippi outside. No, it was less than 1. Headed there, but not yet 1. So, I mean, shouldn’t you go “Zero Mississippi”? What would the world be like, without Mississippi? Delta-less? Delta blues-less? See? It’s more than you think.

[3.] There’s an infinite amount of time between 0 and 60.
Don’t believe me? Divide a half in half. You get half & half. They call it half & half because it comes out of cow that has mixed ethnicity. Whole milk, on the other hand, comes out of a pure-bred cow. They have both types in Mississippi, pure cows and halfies. Lots o’ cows, yep.

[4.] Does anybody ever make it to 60, and if so, who?
I bet that Gandhi counted to 60 a few times, although I doubt that he ever said “Mississippi”. They have a statue of him in Washington, D.C. In the statue, he braces himself with a walking stick and wears a thin wrap. I worry about him when it gets below freezing. He must be mighty cold!

[5.] The 1960s is a distant target.
You could count to the 1960s by year and by Mississippi, so you could go “1900-Mississippi, 1901-Mississippi”, and so forth, but by 1960-Mississippi you’d be too exhausted to enjoy John Coltrane’s music, which transformed so much turmoil into beauty … but I digress.

[6.] What does each unit of 1-Mississippi indicate?
The lightning is 3-Mississippi away. You are 1 Mississippi closer to chasing your friends. In 9-Mississippi the CEO will issue a public statement but will shy away from making an apology. It takes Umpteen-Mississippi to achieve happiness unless you experience Premature-Mississippi.

[7.] Let’s try the Stuff Smith Counting Game in French
One = un. Two = deux. Three = trois, et cetera. So OK so: Un-deux// trois-quatre// cinq-six// uh-huit// neuf-woof. Which is how a lot of French ends, with silliness like neuf-woof. You don’t get silliness when counting via 1-Mississippi. You just never get to 60. But at least you have dignity!


tpw said...

Did you mean Snuffy Smith?
Ippississim is Latin for "this is impossible." Look it up.


I guess they called Snuffy Smith Snuffy because he had some of that Railroad Snuff. You are a certain Smith because of what else can be said to characterize you.

No, I mean Stuff Smith because, I gather, Stuff Smith had a lot of Stuff. You must know some people named Smith. Ask yourself -- what really defines them -- and then you'll see it's probably why their first names are their first names.

But I digress.