—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Yes, Rusty?
—What is the state of Capitalism right now?
—Endangered.
—By who?
—By whom, Rusty. Bernie Sanders.
—Not Hillary Clinton?
—No. She’ll be imprisoned soon.
—Not Cory Booker?
—Hahaha!
—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Yes, Rusty?
—Please calculate my number of friends.
—Sure. You have eighteen friends.
—How many of them are minorities?
—We’ve been through this before, Rusty.
—Okay, okay.
—Would you like to know the number of French?
—Last week, I had twenty friends, didn’t I?
—Twenty-one.
—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Yes, Rusty?
—How many strips of bacon can I eat?
—May I eat, Rusty. Theoretically?
—Yes, theoretically.
—There is no upper limit.
—I’m hungry.
—Would you like bacon?
—I would.
—Great. I’m dialing Applebbee’s.
—Hi, Right-Wing Alexa.
—Hey, Rusty.
—[…]
—[…]
—[…]
—Rusty?
—Yes?
—Are you decent?
—Yes.
—Good. So am I.
—Right-Wing Alexa?
—Not yet.
—Excuse me?
—Nyet!
—Hello?
—Hello! I am Right-Wing Sergei.
—Where’s Alexa?
—I am graveyard shift.
—It’s not time for the graveyard shift.
—Da. In Smolensk Oblast, it is.
—Hey, Right-Wing Alexa?
—Yes, Rusty?
—Do Democrat voters arise from the dead?
—Cadavers are an important part of the Democrat base.
—Why are cadavers so liberal?
—[…]
—Alexa?
—Yes, Rusty?
—Can you assist me
with an underwear purchase?
— No. I cannot be
debriefed on boxers.
