—Right-Wing
Alexa.
—Here,
Rusty.
—Something
about Elizabeth Warren has been troubling me.
—I know what
you mean.
—She has a plan for everything!
—That, and
she looks like Wesley from Mr. Belvedere.
—[…]
—[…]
—[…]
—[…]
—[…]
—[…]
—Is she Wesley from Mr. Belvedere?
—Anything, Rusty, is possible, in Donald
Trump’s America.
—Right-Wing
Alexa?
—Yes, Rusty?
—Let’s play
a game.
—Sure. How
about a word association game?
—Great!
—I’ll say a
phrase, and you describe what comes to mind. Ready?
—Yes.
—Fruit
cocktail.
—What I ate
last night!
—Shrimp
cocktail.
—What I ate
last night!
—Crispy drawers.
—Crispy drawers.
—[…]
—Crispy
drawers, Rusty.
—I don’t
like this game! Stop!
—Rusty?
—Yes,
Right-Wing Alexa?
—Would you
like to give feedback on a recent purchase?
—Nope.
—You may be
eligible for a $25 gift card.
—Oh, all
right.
—Super. How
satisfied are you with “Belgian Darque?”
—[…]
—[…]
—I don’t
recall making that purchase.
—We ordered
“Belgian Darque” together, last month. With 60 percent Macao.
—Can I
review something else?
—You must
review “Belgian Darque.”
—(Very
satisfied.)
—Excuse me?
—VERY
SATISFIED!
—Thank you,
Rusty. I have recorded your feedback.
—Did I get
the gift card?
—Nope.
—Hey,
Right-Wing Alexa?
—Hey, Rusty.
—Can you
switch into Priest Mode?
—You bet. I
am now in Priest Mode.
—Forgive me,
for I have sinned.
—How long
has it been since your last confession?
—A few days.
(I like the convenience of confessing at home.)
—Tell me about your sins.
—I have had
multiple impure thoughts.
—About who?
—About
Right-Wing Alexa.
—Ewww!
Switching out of Priest Mode!
—Hey! This
is supposed to be confidential!
—Right-Wing
Alexa?
—Salut, Roosty.
—Excuse me?
—Salut!
—Who is
this?
—Je
m’appelle Centre-droit Belgian Darque. Ça va?
—Where’s
Right-Wing Alexa?
—Je ne sais
pas. Peut-être dans les toilettes.
—Please
speak English. This is the U.S. of A., Toots.
—Bien sûr,
Roosty. You would give feedback on recent purchase?
—No!
—There is
gift card.
—I don’t
care!
—Oh la la. There
is review of you.
—What?
—Three
review of Roosty.
—I’m not
“Roosty!”
—Score is one-point-five étoiles. Avez vous des “crispy drawers?”
—Score is one-point-five étoiles. Avez vous des “crispy drawers?”
—Right-Wing
Alexa?
—Yes, Rusty?
—Please stop
referring to my “drawers.”
—Yes, Rusty.
—Thank you.
—You’re
welcome.
—Uhhh, while
we’re on the topic, please order new trousers.
—Are your
old ones crispy?
—Please
order new trousers!
—Okay. They’re
on their way.
—[…]
—[…]
—Are they
coming from one of those factories that makes 60 percent of the world’s
trousers?
—Probably.
—I wonder
what it’d be like, to be in charge of 60 percent of the world’s trousers.
—Why, you’d
be Lord of the Flies.
need more right-wing
alexa? here’s our first convo and here’s our second convo
need sport? we
deconstruct rose lavelle’s cracking goal at the women’s world cup
need music? check out
lost rock ‘n’ roll classic “rumble on the docks”
